My heart is breaking. Been married for 20 years, both in early 50's, 2 teenagers. H has been distant for a couple of months coinciding with a night out where he didn't come home (never done that). He's always been incredibly faithful, loving, kind but we've had a lot of bickering. He drinks a lot & we haven't been intimate for over a year and it was infrequent before that. This is my fault, I just stopped bothering & thought I could get away with it. I've realised over the past two weeks that I've been pretty horrible to live with. Not giving him any positives, saying I love you but my actions don't correlate. I challenged him a few weeks ago about being distant, he'd also turned off his tracker (whole family is on the app) and taken away my access to his work rota (he does shifts). I asked if he had someone else and he said no. He said he didn't think we could change & he also said he no longer looked at me in a sexual way. He was cold. I begged, cajoled, blackmailed, cried etc etc, basically all the things I've now learned I shouldn't do.
I'm terrified of losing him, I feel so anxious. I'm second guessing his every move and presuming the worst. We still live together although in separate bedrooms. I'm trying to be different, more thoughtful, more caring but I just want him back. I've been crying this weekend and not been able to eat, he's offered to make me meals and when I asked for a hug laying down (fully clothed) he did straight away. I'm trying to avoid asking him things like this but needed it that night. I heard him crying in the spare bedroom this weekend. I don't know if he's shut off for self preservation, or because he's been (& still is) with another woman, or he's having a midlife crisis?
I'm frightened of giving him space because I've been distant and aloof for years snd I think this is what's driven him away. I think there's a chance of us reconciling but if I try to talk about it, he gets backed into a corner and refuses. I still think there is someone else but he's sleeping at our house & he doesn't go on any regular nights out. This is all my fault and I just want him to see that I can change, be more affectionate and intimate. Its like I turned the sex button off and now I want it back on again. This is probably a big ramble. I've trawled the forums for 2 weeks and got the courage to post. It scares me that a lot of the posts seem to be about surviving divorce.
Last edited by DnJ; 02/06/2304:03 PM. Reason: Corrected typos.
