Divorce immediately after marriage

[BL42]

When you say "went well"...what exactly do you mean in terms of your goal? Did you truly go in with no expectations? Because if you think it's going to help W want to get back together with you, unfortunately you're likely going to be let down.

Yeah, I went with no expectations. By "went well", I mean it was a positive and warm evening. No arguing, no negative feelings towards one another or similar things.

Sounds friendly. Do you want her as a friend or a wife?

To me it truly seemed that she also knows to fix this, but simply does not believe it or have the willpower to work on it.

Unless there are "major" issues, most relationships can be fixed if both parties work on it. The key here is she has no desire to work on it.

Could you explore the last sentence about it being opposite? Since she was mostly silent for a long time, I think anything she says openly is being open to me. Even if it hurts me.

What I was saying is it bewildered me that my then-W with a 4yo and 1yo, nice house, good jobs, great friends and family...etc. would not have the "energy" or "desire" to even work on our marriage on BD. I didn't really understand it; it didn't make sense to me. she even said we'll never know what would've happened if she'd spoken up years ago. My "opposite" point is your W saying she thinks it could be fixed but doesn't have the willpower to do it is NOT a good sign...if she has no desire to work on your R, she's done....even if things "weren't too bad".

Very possible she's trying to push you away more after being too nice and drawing you in with dinner. It's common for WAS/WS to give hope but not really mean it and then be even nastier afterwards as a way to make it clear to the LBS they don't want to get back together, despite the "nice dinner".

What is the point for them to be too nice and draw another person in? Selfish need for validation?

Could be a number of things...keep you on the hook in case OM doesn't work out, a desire to keep the D "nice" and "stay friends"...etc. But then they are nice and worry they gave you hope and are nasty to you again to push you away and make it clear they won't work on it.

How are you responding to the deep questions? Are you being light, and fun, and positive and mysterious? Or are you engagement in deep answers trying to show her you care? Hopefully the former.

I am quite chill about the answers and not disclosing too many details.

Good.

I was raised not to just simply abandon relationships and work on them.

Same here. The thing is...unfortunately it's not your choice, it's hers.

My therapist, our mutual friends can definitely see that there are way more negative things in her life apart from our situation.

Such as?

I do not want to give up on her and us so easily.

You can only control you. Work on accepting the things that are not within your control.

This does not mean that I intend on changing her position, I am just living my life right now and waiting to see if she will take any actual initiative on filling for divorce.

That's good. Get busy living your life even better than before.