As usual, DNJ is 100% right. You made your choice for you, you communicated it clearly, from that point on - radio silence. Let her throw her toys out of the pram.
What is with us LBS feeling like we have to respond to bad behaviour? We’ve spent our whole relationship playing nice and trying to placate our spouse. It can be very difficult to fight the urge to respond … some people think that it will be seen as adversarial or manipulative. But you don’t need to worry about what this person thinks of you any more, because if she’s having an affair with someone else, her opinion of you couldn’t possibly get any lower than it is 🤷♂️
Fight the urge to respond or be nice. You’ve clearly communicated what you want, time for her to hitch up her big girl skirt and be an adult.
Oh…. And her calling you an A-hole - that’s actually a great sign. She’s not mad at you, she’s mad that she can’t manipulate you like she used to be able to.
Your behaviour - cool, calm, measured, reasonable adult who makes good decisions FOR YOU and communicates them clearly Her behaviour - to be frank, who gives a s***! Not your problem.
