That is my fear as well. Most new posters do not make the right changes fast enough. They also do not keep the changes. They are making changes to manipulate their spouse.
One change that I strongly suggest is to not let her emotional state effect yours. You seem to be focused on her fluctuating state. 180 and do not worry about her emotional state. Let her be however she needs to be. You be content 100% of the time.
There is two changes that I want to do - improve listening/validating and being more organized in home. I am making these for myself and have been heavily focusing on them for the last 4 months (even before she left).
Completely not caring about her would deviate from my core beliefs. Although, her emotional state is affecting me less and less. For example, the last time she was mad at me I was completely calm talking back to her. I am just keeping my care and emotions for myself.
