I’d take separate cars, and for sure separate accommodation.
Originally Posted by DW17
You are getting ready to divorce me and you’re cheating on me. That’s why I want a separate rental car.
This is what is going on; not a why for your direction/decision.
Why would you go separately? Consider:
Originally Posted by DW17
I just reiterated that I will take care of my own plans and she can make her own arrangements. She got upset, stormed away, called me a selfish a-hole, and mumbled some other things before shutting the door.
She’s checking to see just how much of a grip she has on you. If you are still sitting there on the shelf.
Originally Posted by DW17
I don’t know if that’s the most productive way to handle it.
The most productive way is through consistent demonstrated behaviour. You live better not bitter.
The medium is the message, much more than your words.
So, do you want separate cars because you are angry? Or hurt? Or is it a ploy? Or because folks here told you to? Or you think it’s the right thing to do? Or because you aren’t sure what to do? Probably a mixture of many reasons.
Focus on you. Why do you want separate cars?
Most (all?) of your answers/reasons would likely not benefit your situation in telling her. She will just rebel against them. Remember her last night’s immature name calling and storming away.
What if this was another parent? And they just blasted you last night. Would you share a ride to save a few bucks? Or would you tell them get stuffed? Or would you just go about your business?
The root cause, in my view, is because of how she is treating you.
“My friends don’t treat me the way you do.”
I found that to be a pretty good mantra and reason and benchmark and life line going through my situation.
You remain kind and cordial. Angry responses won’t do you any good. You behave friendly, yet with the understanding and awareness that you are not currently friends.
Believe me, you can love someone and not like them.
People will treat you as you allow them. Do not allow W to treat you that way. Boundaries with consequences. Accountability. Reap what she (and you too) sows.
I’d recommend saying nothing.
From last night:
Originally Posted by DW17
I just reiterated that I will take care of my own plans and she can make her own arrangements.
Clear and straightforward. No need to tell her again.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
