Saving Pack through D, Pack_19 part V

[BL42]

Pack,

Always good to hear from you.

I am finally divorced. No excuses to move forward, no more thoughts about one person single-handed changing a R and no more thoughts of having ExW or my old family back.

Hope this closure brings you peace and ability to move forward. Not what you wanted, but the decision wasn't yours.

My L made a remark on how W seemed unease as we were signing it, I did not pay attention to her, I never do.

Maybe, maybe not. Who knows. Perhaps even she doesn't. Glad you signed w/dignity and have detached.

My children, my PIES and Pack are the center of my universe.

I looked back at your profile and see that you're relatively young compared to many here, early 30s if I'm estimating correctly? Keep crushing it with your children, work, and PIES...like you have been, and I've no doubt you're going to have an amazing life. And a young guy in fantastic shape with a great career is going to attract a wonderful woman into your life.

Last week I re-read my previous four threads and it is giving me a new perception. I remember times at home when W was asking me to sit further away from her, hiding messages on her phone, when she mocked me about me learning about relationships from books and all the painful days thinking about potential OMs and crying on my bed. I must still be in love with the image I hold of her and my family but there is no way that she loved me during each of those episodes

Man, this really resonates. Brought back memories of Sitting far on the other side of the couch and texting OM1 in the same room...etc. Glad we're both in better spots dropping our fear and never standing for this kind of disrespect again.

I still struggle with the idea that there have been multiple OMs and there will be more to come. I am scared of ExW moving on to a new R and bringing a new man to the world of our children.

I'm kind of in the opposite position where OM2 has been a "stable" (if you can call it that) presence in ExW and kids' lives. That bothers me as well, but then I look at your side of the prospect of many different guys and that's just as bad. Either way it's not ideal, but again...need to let go of the things we can't control.

I know I will always be their only father and the one they will admire and look up to and that is fully under my control.

Indeed. Ginger reminds me her D14 calls her mom and does not call OW her mom, even though she's been in her life since she was 1.

But I struggle with the thought that the person who swore to be your life partner in good and bad just gives up and builds a new life.

I hear ya. A lot here can relate. My ExW seamlessly jumped into a new "perfect family" situation with OM2, his sister and nieces...etc all across the street; didn't seem to skip a beat in life. How is that possible? So easily replace me and my family? Not sure. But again, focus on you not ExW. You're officially single and have a great life ahead of you.

She must not have valued me much as a man, even before we got married.

It's not about you Pack! It's about her. Her history and demons and trying to process through her stuff. Likely would've happened the same with another guy. Don't put it all on you. I think you're a good guy who loved his wife and family and didn't deserve this.

Can I ask for some help with an issue. What is the best way to show or express to S9 that I am pass trying to get W back and moving ahead alone. Is there value in even showing this to him? I may have failed in the fight for my marriage, but this will not determine the caliber of a man I am.

Don't think I'd broach the topic. If he asks I'd just be straightforward and honest about it without going into details.