I've got a something I could use some advice on. D18 has an out of state soccer tournament in a few weeks. Airplane tickets are already paid for and I've booked a hotel. A few weeks ago W asked if we were booking together or separate and I said separate. She said "That's weird, but whatever."
As the date gets closer, I've started to rethink whether it makes sense to do things separately for a few different reasons.
1. None of the parents on the team know what’s going on with W and I and I’m worried about the awkwardness having to explain it right now. Some of the parents I barely know, but others I’ve known for 10+ years. The coach is a good friend of ours. It feels like the wrong time/place to have this out in the open.
2. The cost savings of not paying for 2 hotel rooms and 2 rental cars (D18 is staying with teammates at a different hotel that is fully booked).
3. I feel my emotional state is detached enough that it won’t be an issue for me emotionally.
W has not booked a hotel room yet and is getting concerned about costs. D18 knows this and I explained to her that I do have a room with 2 beds in case W completely drops the ball. I don’t want W to miss D18’s last tournament regardless of what’s going on with us.
So those are some of the reasons why I’m rethinking things. I am still reminding myself why I said no in the first place. She’s actively pursuing D and is supposed to file right after we get back. She keeps digging herself a hole financially and it’s not my job to fix that.
Another wrench in the situation is that D18 injured her leg in practice last week and we aren’t sure she will even be able to play. If she can’t play, I’m not going, which makes this entire thought process a bit of a waste.
There have been a few things this week that I’m trying not to read too far in to.
W keeps leaving notes from her counseling laying around. I shouldn’t be reading them, but it’s almost like they are left out for me to see. The first one was her D plan that I mentioned a few weeks ago. Last week mentioned a fear of letting me and the kids down and disrupting our lives. It also mentioned that she felt compassion when I listened to her talk about nightmares she was having and that I listen and understand when she talks to me.
This week was a list of things about me she is grateful for. It included things like being a great dad, taking care of my family the best way I knew how, me working on my mental health and making improvements, my communication, my listening and being a hard worker. I have no clue what to think of that and it isn’t beneficial for me to spend time analyzing it, but it is a change from the minimal feedback I got from her earlier counseling sessions that were just about all of my faults and how she deserves to be happy.
It feels wrong reading through these notes, but it’s hard not to when they are just laying out on the counter.
W has been way more pleasant lately, telling me to have a good day, thanking me for things, etc. She even played a card game with me and D5 last night which she hasn’t done in forever. D5 said “I’m so happy we are playing as a family. I wish we could do this every day.” I am aware of what she told D18 a few weeks ago-
Originally Posted by DW17
W was talking to her in the car the other day and said she was going to kill me with kindness because she is about to break my heart. W has been noticeably nicer the past week or so, but this is the exact reason you guys say not to get hopes up after positive interactions. You never know the actual motive behind the behavior.
I haven’t gotten any more ILY’s or questions about whether I’d ask her to marry me again. She did have an emotional morning Monday as we had to put one of our cats down. She hugged me and later sent a text thanking me for being there for her and saying that it meant a lot knowing that she still had me for the hardest parts in life. I took that as a negative, like she her feels I will always be there no matter what. Um….not if we aren’t married!
Longer post than I was expecting, but it’s been an interesting week. Maybe it’s the roller coaster of emotions changing again, I don’t know. But I’m still just plugging along. I’m reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I’m on week 8 of my half marathon prep and getting ready for a daddy daughter dance with D5 this weekend. Any advice on the travel situation would be appreciated.
