New day

[Rockon]

They come across more of you trying to be nice and compassionate

I believe this is a good trait to have at a different stage of the process. Right now is about gaining respect.

Rock, can you brainstorm some ways to gain respect?

Gain respect :
Hold myself to high standards and have integrity
Be dependable
Be consistent

[bttrfly]

dependable?

consistent?

to a WAS those admirable traits are

B
O
R
I
N
G
<yawn>

Dig deeper Rock.

Close the bakery.

No more free samples.

Pull up the rugs in the metaphorical house ... do not be the welcome mat for bad behavior to walk all over and wipe its dirty boots on ... capisce?

[Rockon]

Ok deeper:

Definitive and decisive action

Solid boundaries

A dynamic life

Commanded respect from peers

[Ready2Change]

There are many layers to this, but I think this is a good place to start.

Found this quote searching "How a man can gain a woman's respect"

Everybody knows men crave respect in an intimate relationship with a woman.

But it’s not always automatic for women to give it. Lately I’ve been investigating the idea that respecting a man is not 100% always a woman’s conscious choice in a relationship.

Here’s why: I feel deep respect for my husband, and it’s not logical. I don’t tell myself to respect him. He earned it by not being willing to be a passive man.

I believe she hit the nail on the head. How can you not be willing to be a passive man when dealing with your wife during this?




For kicks and giggles, how would you respond if she says:

"Rock, I miss you"

How would you guess LH19 would respond?

I bet something like this:

LH19 "Really, how about you show me how much you miss me" with a twinkle in his eye insinuating she do something naughty.

The last thing you want to do is say "I miss you too". complete turn off for her.

[Rockon]

BF et al,

So it’s interesting as I reflect on a time when I noticed a palpable shift in the respect that my young sons (early teens) showed me. They were both at a stage of challenging behaviours and testing limits (normal developmental process) and I was encountering disrespect and that it was a battle. I was involved in a volunteer organization and began to involve our family in some community events with the volunteer group and families. I noticed my sons paying attention more and seeing me in another sphere and the respect I commanded there. Eldest S commented on it and has since joined me as a volunteer. I didn’t cave or become more accommodating or focus on my dependability or consistency as important as they are. I got involved in something else and included my family at times.

[bttrfly]

that's great but you need to understand that you're modeling behavior for boys who are learning and becoming men, and you're doing a great job.

women ... are a whole nuther thang ... and WAW's ... even more so.

passive = wimpy

you don't have to go caveman.

you don't have to go alpha.

you do have to decide what does and doesn't work for you and articulate that, coming from a place of quiet strength.

jmho.

[MikeP]

There are many layers to this, but I think this is a good place to start.

Found this quote searching "How a man can gain a woman's respect"

Everybody knows men crave respect in an intimate relationship with a woman.

But it’s not always automatic for women to give it. Lately I’ve been investigating the idea that respecting a man is not 100% always a woman’s conscious choice in a relationship.

Here’s why: I feel deep respect for my husband, and it’s not logical. I don’t tell myself to respect him. He earned it by not being willing to be a passive man.

I believe she hit the nail on the head. How can you not be willing to be a passive man when dealing with your wife during this?




For kicks and giggles, how would you respond if she says:

"Rock, I miss you"

How would you guess LH19 would respond?

I bet something like this:

LH19 "Really, how about you show me how much you miss me" with a twinkle in his eye insinuating she do something naughty.

The last thing you want to do is say "I miss you too". complete turn off for her.

R2C- so odd you asked Rockon that question. I was remembering this morning when I broke up with my first serious girlfriend for cheating on me. She stopped by my house a few weeks later to get some stuff. Said she missed me, did I miss her. “Nope, his stuff. Bye”. I guess I had it figured out when I was 16. Counting my W, I had 3 serious relationships and they all cheated. Booted 2 of the 3. Kids sure change your perspective.

[Rockon]

Really focusing in on this.

[bttrfly]

Let me give you an example of closing the bakery.

BD
Swearing up and down there isn't anyone else.

FF some small amount of time, maybe a week? I can't remember but we were on Facetime and I told him there were some medical bills coming that needed to be paid, because I'd gone to my OB/GYN and had a full STD panel done. He was aghast, told me that I was over reacting and that he'd told me there was no need for that. I said, "You also told me you weren't ever going to leave. You also promised to stay married for the rest of our lives. I'm sorry, your credibility is non-existent. I need to stay healthy for my own sake as well as for our son's. I'm not trusting my health to you."

Now. Truth dart?
Too far?

I dunno.

But ... what I do know is that the message was received loud and clear:
1. you've damaged this relationship
2. I no longer trust you
3. I'm not going to put myself at risk for you.

[Rockon]

Yes good example BF