Thanks as always Mach. I lol’d the Oprah dig. I really feel that I’m reaching at least a minimal degree of detachment. I don’t look for her reactions to my actions anymore. I don’t worry about her when we’re not together. I’ve adopted the mindset finally that if she is up to something I can’t stop it and worrying won’t help. She went shopping alone Sunday afternoon, didn’t think about it once. Before I would have worked out a scenario in my head about her meet the om. I really think I’ve turned a corner in regards to detachment. Now to make it stick. I have no interest in just luring her back at this point. When I think about it in those terms it pisses me off. Like you said, she’s either going to be on the boat or not. I don’t want to deceive her into climbing aboard. I really am tempering my expectations. Really don’t have any at this point. I’m not doing great at GAL presently bug I am doing a good job of giving her space when we’re at home. I used to love to read and really haven’t read much in the last 5 or so years, too much youtube. In the last two weeks I’ve knocked out 2 books. I will sit in our front room and read in the evening while she watches tv. I forgot how much I enjoy reading. I feel like I’m in the best place I’ve been throughout this mess, mentally snd emotionally. One day at a time 💪🏻
The reason that I called BS on you before, is because I felt like you are confusing detachment with not loving her.
You can detach and still love her very much...
Detaching doesn't mean that you don't love. It simply means that you are backing away and allowing space and time to create some breathing room for the overly emotional decisions that would ordinarily be made through this process...
Detaching is making YOURSELF emotionally healthy enough to not live life one minute at a time based on the immediate decisions and whims of another person. So that you can back away, and lead from the front rather than from the rear.
Detaching is making decisions, not for a reaction, rather regardless the reaction. Because it's the right one that has been thought through without the intent to hurt.
Becoming detached isn't necessarily a decision as much as it is a way of life....
You can still love her, you just aren't there watching every move she makes, thinking that one thing is going to make or break your situation.
What else detaching is, and possibly the most important part....
It gives you the time and space to get your mojo back....
Keep diggin buddy.....you are getting there....
I get what you’re saying. It seemed like one day it just clicked. I didn’t necessarily decide to detach or not, things just felt different. Makes sense? To be honest I am enjoying the feeling, seems freezing. Definitely less stressful.
