I'm also not a native English speaking person so sometimes a bit more difficult in understanding everything in a correct way.
Indeed, I do not yet have the feeling that he is pushing very hard, but what should I see as pushing?
Pushing. Pursuing.
Pushing is moving something or someone out of your way.
Pursuing is going after something or someone; striving for it, working/doing to achieve it/them.
Pushing hard for something, pursuing hard - semantic differences. However, it’s the assertiveness that one displays, their driving force behind them, their motivation. That’s the pursuing hard.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
Why I wasn't really occupied with that is because I read a lot that when an MLC'er returns from the tunnel, it's with "a whisper of doubt", that you have to be very careful with them in that phase, but you tell me that they strive very hard. That's inconsistent and I'd like to know why. Can you explain this to me?
They awaken with a whisper of doubt. Their rise up, is like how they descended into the abyss - slowly. Whispers upon whispers pointing out their life and choices. Eventually, if not ran from and ignored, those whispers become a chorus. For a MLCer fortunate enough to listen and hear that, they can find their path back.
Whisper of doubt displays a desire towards reconnection. Pursuing hard displays a desire towards reconciliation. Just further down the path, more or less.
When reconnecting, when the whispers are still doubts and questions, the MLCer is timid and very scared of judgement. Their path is still about them. It’s their judgement of self, well actually it’s their forgiveness of self. They are so very very scared of not being forgiven for the monstrous deeds they’ve done.
The LBS who is present in the MLCer’s life, can and does influence the way. Basically, the MLCer sees their betrayed spouse demonstrating acceptance and compassion towards them, things the MLCer feels they do not deserve. Such nonjudgemental actions lead to themselves believing in their own healing and worth.
The path of out of their darkness is twisted and difficult. And is possible.
When G first showed some signs of awakening, he easily ran back to his running stage. The further down his path he gets from awakening, the further it is to run back, and the less pull “running” has upon him.
Like before, there is little one do can speed this up. An LBS trying to get answers or hurry things along will certainly delay/derail the MLCer. Consider it took about two years from trigger to BD. It takes similar from awakening to acceptance. And then a settling in period to final acceptance, where the MLCer truly closes the door to their crisis.
Dig for patience.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
