This is also someone who has shown through word, and much more importantly, deed that he is capable of behaviors that are pretty toxic. Maybe it's just me, but I would carry a hefty bag of healthy skepticism along for the ride on all dates, and try to be as detached as possible. Again, I would pay more attention to what he does rather than what he says. Look for consistency.
Respect for sharing your opinion. Thanks for that. I fully agree that he has been extremely toxic, in all meaning of this word. But as I stated, I can surprisingly be very detached.
Can he turn the other way around again? For sure, and definitely with the consequences for his actions over the past years which are all to the surface now and which he is dealing with. He is very much struggling with these. Admitting and also seeing with my own eyes he almost doesn't sleep, his appetite being reduced to a minimum, difficulties coming out of the bed in the morning etc.
Something however which is really very odd is that indeed his words didn’t align his actions these past years, he made a lot of promises but never did anything about it, now this is mostly aligned and when it is not, it’s strange enough the other way around. His actions are now always better than what he actually says.
I don’t know if this is normal but this is actually the case these past 2 months.
Originally Posted by Mach1
Most MLCers that I have talked to, have come back with HARD pursuit trying to get back their life, and I'm just not getting that sense from what you have typed. I see pieces of him pursuing, albeit very timidly and scared. That tells me that he wants it if it is easy for him. There has been an abundance of LBS that have gotten to this point and decided that their answers didn't involve the MLCer too. One of the reasons that we have always said that the LBS holds all of the power in the end.
Mach, you can certainly be right about this, but when you're in the middle of it you unfortunately don't always see this...therefore I need your help in understanding this better. I'm also not a native English speaking person so sometimes a bit more difficult in understanding everything in a correct way.
Indeed, I do not yet have the feeling that he is pushing very hard, but what should I see as pushing?
He does the utmost for his children, and also with me. He constantly puts me first for everything right now. Not always in words, but always in deeds. I can give many examples such as going to the store and always asking if I need anything else, making my favorite dishes, being very attentive, organizing the dates,... Is this what you mean by pushing?
Or is pushing for you wanting to be part of everything again, e.g. with family, friends etc… if you mean this, no, that is absolutely not the case. He now mainly wants to be alone with me, or with the children, the rest doesn't really matter I have the impression, apart from his grandmother, he goes there every week now. For the rest he is mainly at home and at work 2 days a week.
Why I wasn't really occupied with that is because I read a lot that when an MLC'er returns from the tunnel, it's with "a whisper of doubt", that you have to be very careful with them in that phase, but you tell me that they strive very hard. That's inconsistent and I'd like to know why. Can you explain this to me?
Furthermore, last Friday he said that he has caused damage that he cannot undo anymore in the last 5 to 6 years of his life and that he does not understand why he did this at all. He also told me that he was always convinced that he was the stronger of the 2 of us, and that I followed him in everything he did. But now he came to the conclusion that this was never the case and that I even got stronger and more consistent, how I'm in control and living my life the way I want to, that I'm now the person he's always wanted to be. Apparantly this is very shocking for him to have to face this.
Last edited by DnJ; 01/29/2302:59 PM. Reason: Corrected typos.
