WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - 1.5 Year Divorced (8)

[BL42]

Just to add, about your kids, I know you keep trying to “make up” bit quite honestly, their life is going to be fantastic. It is fantastic.

Thanks Ginger

They have 2 parents who really love love them

True. ExW was not a great parent the first year or two. They certainly weren't here priority anyway. She'd dump them off to go out with OM2, ask me to take her time to go away with him, they'd come home unbathed for a week more than once...etc., but seems to have come around a bit in the last year there, so that's very good. Important for the kids.

they seem to like ex’s BF( I know this grates you, but this a part that contributes to a good life)

That does grate on me. Not sure I'll ever fully get over it if they stay together, but have to swallow it and let it go. And as hard as it is to admit the relative post-BD "stability" they have on that front is better than constant upheaval.

you and your ex get along, you aren’t toxic as divorced parents.

Not sure I'd go as far as "get along" - I certainly try to keep my distance best I can and not engage - but agreed we're not toxic as divorced parents and generally collaborate in the kids' best interest.

And they were super young and this is something my D has verbalized to me. That the fact she doesn’t know a life otherwise is much easier than divorce when she was older . Life might be “different” but it certainly won’t be anything anyone needs to make up for.

The young thing is weird to me. Yes, maybe it would've been more of an upheaval down the road when they were 13 and 10 instead of 4 and 1, but also don't love that they only know divorce and back-and-forth and mommy living with another man. And have fears my daughter will see OM2 as a father figure. But guess that shouldn't take away from me.

I also know this grates you because then you feel there are no consequences for what your ex has done.

That does get to me. Seems like there should be some karma at some point. And when I see people who know what she did give her a friendly "hello how are you?" I think, really? And when her or OM1 don't get fired for relations in the office I think, come on! But then who knows what's going on behind her scenes and the emotions and awkward situations and encounters she's having. I do know she already left that new job with the other employer I posted about a year ago. Heard things weren't to her liking there and is no per diem back at the original employer. So maybe the grass isn't always greener. Really though, it's not the Ex specifics consequences that grate me as much as OM2 living with my kids, and I know the focus should be on me...and it is for the most part, just venting a bit here while you brought it up.

I get it. It provides for a lot of conflicting emotions. Been there, still am there sometimes . In the end, it is me who really it really really affected and tore apart. Not my D. And I am thankful for that. But yes, it really blows for us. Truth is, your kids have the best divorced parent situation they can possibly have. And that can be a tough pill to swallow for US.

It is a tough pill to swallow, but you're right the caveat is always the kids. I completely relate to what you're saying - think you're just a decade ahead in the process.

And I’m all seriousness, I’m easy to find on the other side. Im happy to be a friend. I think from what I read here, you a really stand up good guy. Is hang out with you.

Right back at you. If I take away anything from your thread it's you've been a wonderful mother in a very difficult situation you didn't create, and that's just about the best compliment anyone can receive in my mind.

Plus I think you might really be hot. 😂😂 I’m sorry, I can’t help
Ya elf, my toxic trait is having to take a serious moment and making someone laugh

Don't laugh at the prospect of me being hot! That's serious business!