forgiving someone for breaking their vows, destroying the family, etc.
that's a long-haul goal.
What's your short term reality?
While it's nice to let her figure out what she wants, it's pretty much irrelevant.
I'm going to say it again: What she wants is irrelevant.
Half the time these people don't have a CLUE what they want, or change on a dime anyway, so why waste precious time focusing on a moving target?
The best thing a LBS can do for themselves is to take the time to figure out who they are, separate from the marriage and the family.
Rock, who are YOU, as a man?
Rock, what are your core values? Your ride or die values ... basically, if you could only use 5 traits to describe yourself, what would those words be?
Now: How are you living those words?
What do you really want Rock, in your life, separate from family/marriage?
do you want peace?
do you want health?
do you want financial security?
do you want to be of service to others?
is it some combination of the above or something else entirely?
Can you envision the life you want, embodying the core values you've taken the time to REALLY discover?
This isn't something you can answer in a post and just go on your merry way.
Get a notebook.
Spend 15 minutes minimally every freaking day working on this.
JOURNAL IT OUT.
TAKE AT LEAST A MONTH TO WORK ON THIS.
YES.
I SAID 30 DAYS.
more if possible. takes at least 30 days to create a new habit. this is the rest of your life we're talking about.
What frustrates the hell out of me is that people seem to only pay lip service to the concept of changing themselves, the person their spouse left behind. This is not directed at you specifically but is more of a soapbox rant because I'm seeing this all over the place. So, this next bit is for ANY newbie or LBS reading along:
Just because you have stellar GAL activities doesn't mean you've changed the person your spouse is hell-bent on leaving!!!!!!!
To TRULY be a Man or Woman your spouse would be a fool to leave requires CHANGE.
CHANGE requires HARD WORK
RUTHLESSLY HONEST SELF-ASSESSMENT
COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF - BECOMING A NEW AND BETTER VERSION OF YOU
ANYTHING LESS FALLS SHORT
AND YOUR SPOUSE WILL KNOW IT
AiN'T NO REASON TO COME BACK TO THE SAME THING YOU JUST LEFT BEHIND.
Think about it.
rant over.
putting away my soapbox now.
one more thing:
WAITING IS NOT THE SAME THING AS STANDING.
have a nice day.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
