Do realize, feelings are fleeting. And you will not always feel this way.
This I have found to be true.
Originally Posted by DnJ
So, the other stuff, the heavy lifting. Why? Why imagine you will need to D. And after she gets a better job. (Further justification and talking yourself into this path btw.)
D, I'm telling you. She has no incentive to end this affair. I get that divorce has rampant collateral damage. She may surprise me and file herself at some point. My money's not on it, though. As far as "after she gets a better job" - Kind18 posted this on a previous thread of mine:
Quote
I can’t stress this enough - do not initiate divorce yet.
You need to wait it out. Let her text OM, let her simmer away…. But don’t push her, set ultimatums or lose control of your emotions.
You need to wait until she has finished her degree in June. And then go out of your way to help get her a well paid, full time job.
Once that’s done, then you can consider pulling the rip cord.
I don’t know what country you’re in, but regardless, if you wait until she has a degree and well paid job - you could be hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars better off in a financial divorce settlement.
Originally Posted by DnJ
If you need a divorce. Not want, need. For financial protection, or abuse, or assault, or some such, then get it. However, three years.
Are you saying your recommendation is that I give it three years?
Originally Posted by DnJ
What about your path? You up for it?
When I think about my path right now, the best visuals in my head involve living in my own place, having the kids without W around to nitpick or be on her phone.
Originally Posted by DnJ
In most situations cake-eating is not recommended. Disrespect and all that. It’s more for the LBS’ sanity, and not some tactic to win or alter the other’s path or wake them up. However, if the LBS can remain balanced, and there is not a full blown affair - most spouses cease sex with an active affair - having sex keeps the home fires burning.
Yes, I'm already wavering on this one. Partly because I don't know what it will prove to W and partly because if I get hit by a bus next week or month, was there a victory in being celibate?
Originally Posted by DnJ
Divorced or not, W is going to do what she is going to do.
Under the divorce scenario, I will have moved on and have no stake in what she's doing, spending, or anything else.
For what it's worth, all my musings about D are projected forward - I'm not contemplating any action today. Here's a scenario - W gets the new job and decides it's better to stay married for the kids while continuing to have some relationship on the side. Eff that.
