Going dark feels like pressure

[bttrfly]

I’m exactly doing all the things in option 2. Hobbies; painting, reading etc. Exercise; gym and walking and tried yoga for first time. Travel; I am on a month long trip. A trip very different than what I am used to, I’ve traveled a lot and mostly it was sightseeing and snorkeling something we loved doing together. This trip i focus on doing things i like to do instead of seeing the sights (already saw most temples etc anyway). I’m doing hiking, walks, visiting museum, cooking classes, yoga and art classes. And of course going out for coffee, lunch, diner and relaxing, swimming. So a lot of me time. Yesterday did a physical challenging hike to a volcano.
Learning a language; yes I am learning spanish on Duolingo daily and planning my next trip to mexico to study more, something i wanted to do for a many years but other travel plans came first.

Great GAL while vacationing.

The goal is to keep that momentum when you are back home.

So I am really doing both. If I didn’t care about getting back with him I would not need this board right? But as a mentioned before I’m not used to talk about everything I do.

I do notice that I start to detach. For brief moments I think ok maybe life is ok without him as my h. I do need him as my friend. You probably will say get new friends, but i need at least one person in my life who has known me for many years. For now my plan is to give this at least 5 years. If by then I still want him more than friends i will let him go. Or he has come back by then but this stream of thought is if he doesn’t come back. So yes i do consider that possibility.

What I will say is two things:

1. Divorce Busting, the books and this board are for YOU. JUST YOU, BAT. Do not share with your H. This place is your refuge from the madness, an oasis.

2. Detachment starts when you learn to keep everything in the day, and not project out. That's very important. Forget about 5 years from now. You have absolutely NO idea what you're going to want, think, feel or who you will be 5 years from now. Keep your focus on TODAY. This is very, very important for your mental and emotional well being. If you focus on TODAY, you can truly be present with what is actually happening in your life and your relationship.

If you keep projecting, you will start up a cycle that is counter-productive to what you really want.