Stuck in limbo V

[BL42]

I will tell you, you have been right about trying to slow down in the moment and feelings changing. As I wrote at the top of my last post, I feel like I cycle between wanting to blow the marriage up myself if W isn't going to vs. waiting things out a little longer.

Good, take your time. At the beginning at least for me it seems like hours took days and days took weeks. Looking back you'll see how 3 years goes by in a flash. No need to rush into any decision. If you can strengthen your mental game and get through some bad times in the interest of your family and kids there's nothing wrong with that...whether or not your marriage ends up being repaired.

when I come to this board, LH gets me fired up about how much better my life will be if I move on from W, DnJ brings me back to earth with his Gandhi-like wisdom and calls for empathy, and Ready2change makes me want to shove W's dresser out of the master bedroom in exchange for a spitoon and a Hugh Hefner smoking jacket.

Haha! That's incredible.

The author ranked a man's five most basic needs in marriage as: 1.) sexual fulfillment 2.) recreational companionship 3.) an attractive spouse 4.) domestic support 5.) admiration.

Have never considered a list of my own, but these five certainly resonate.

Holy smokes I agree with all 5 maybe just in a slightly different order.

What's your order LH?

Nah she hates him too. It’s a very toxic marriage that 100% can not be saved. She cheated many years ago and he’s never gotten over it. She physically and emotionally abuses him and he has zero clue how to communicate with her or his children. I just listen for about an hour a week how bad it is for him but he is staying for kids.

Well this isn't any good. Ideally they could not just stay together for the kids but actually address their relationship issues and fix their relationship for both them and the kids. Neither wants to work at it?

Geez LH. Staying for the kids. To teach them that this is how to behave in a marriage?

Not pro-D but man, gotta think about what the kids are really learning in your friend's sitch ...

Yeah it’s not good. I think they at least try to keep it from the kids. No different than teaching kids that cheating and being a doormat are acceptable. It all comes down to fear of the unknown. Scary for many people.

Agreed. Starting to better understand that as a parent we're ALWAYS teaching our kids through our behaviors, not just our words. So important to model the values and behaviors you want to pass on to your kids at a young age.