Toddler/teen like - everything is about them, rebelling against constraints
Do you think it's possible for the first 20 plus years of marriage W thought everything was about Rock and the kids?
Originally Posted by Rockon
That friend of W’s is an anti marriage influence on W. I don’t like her. Seeing was a reminder of what W is doing and I was internally disturbed by how friendly that friend was. Made me uncomfortable and left a bad taste.
Is it possible your W is maybe a bad influence on her?
Originally Posted by Rockon
I suppose the affair is the main thing I don’t like about W.I don’t like that she has left me or our family. I am repelled by that.
So this is where suffering comes in Rock. You want your W to be something she is not instead of accepting her for who she really is right now. She's not who YOU want her to be so you don't like her. GF is not who YOU want her to be so your don't like her. See the pattern?
Lastly, if that is how you truly feel than act on it.
From what understand you were in an abusive marriage and went directly into a relationship with your H, who was 19 at the time ?
What have you done for YOU to heal from your abusive marriage? Have you done therapy? Have you truly dealt with that trauma? Or have you relied on your R with your H to heal you ?
Toddler/teen like - everything is about them, rebelling against constraints
Do you think it's possible for the first 20 plus years of marriage W thought everything was about Rock and the kids?
Yes I can imagine that W has that perspective and we certainly had toddlers and adolescents. And I have acted in some of those ways at times as well.
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Rockon
That friend of W’s is an anti marriage influence on W. I don’t like her. Seeing was a reminder of what W is doing and I was internally disturbed by how friendly that friend was. Made me uncomfortable and left a bad taste.
Is it possible your W is maybe a bad influence on her?
Yes that’s possible even likely. And I think that’s a dramatic change. W was a positive influence for so many.
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Rockon
I suppose the affair is the main thing I don’t like about W.I don’t like that she has left me or our family. I am repelled by that.
So this is where suffering comes in Rock. You want your W to be something she is not instead of accepting her for who she really is right now. She's not who YOU want her to be so you don't like her. GF is not who YOU want her to be so your don't like her. See the pattern?
I have been working on accepting who she is right now and I recognize I don’t like that. Same with the friend.
Last edited by DnJ; 01/23/2304:47 PM. Reason: Correct quote syntax.
These hurt folks do find “new” friends who will reinforce and further justify their anti-marriage thoughts/feelings.
Acceptance does not meaning like. You can accept the situation, accept the person, and yet not like their behaviour.
I understand your feelings of being uncomfortable and repelled by such disingenuous displays. It clashes with core values/motivations or your’s. This is part of organizing and strengthening one’s belief system; a good thing.
The action to take based on such feelings is just what you are doing: Examining what you feel and why. You are find emotional understanding, which is what acceptance is.
Then, further acts would/should be based upon your beliefs/convictions. Living one’s values begets contentment.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I’m not great at this Rock, however I am learning to accept what happened even though I hate it. At times I struggle though and I am much better at dealing with the anger. Yesterday was one of those days and I did a great job of being angry for awhile and then letting it go. Hang in there Rock.
Hey Rock, I struggle with the acceptance as well. Some days I’m really good and others not so much. Thanks for continuing to post, I follow along daily and wish you the best! Keep on moving forward!
