Going dark feels like pressure

[BL42]

Bat,

I don’t think it will be happily ever after.

Based on what you described I highly doubt this affair will be "happily ever after" for H and AP. However, that also does not mean you and H will either.

He’s now on holiday with ow. I know this has to happen to let the A run its course but it’s hard. Had trouble sleeping knowing he’s with her.
It’s also hard to let go of possible outcomes, good and bad. I focus on my breathing and keeping myself busy. But my mind keeps going back to with if this and that would happen.

I know exactly how you're feeling, and it's horrible. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. As hard as it is, you need to get your mind off of it. That's why things like exercise, GAL, IC, focusing on yourself...etc. is so important. Lots of focus and speculation and hope and fears about H in your posts...what about yourself? What are you doing for YOU?