It best not to tip your hand to H. He could be seeking to see how much you know, how prepared you are. Lots of STBXs are rather manipulative and pretty much out for themselves. This is still in play: Believe nothing H says, and only half what he does.
Do remain civil and cordial. Yes, the attempt at keeping things amicable is a consideration, however the larger view is for you. After whatever occurs, you have to look at yourself in the mirror.
I do like the provided suggestions from the others.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Thanks for the suggestions. I tried to incorporate the spirit of your suggestions if not the exact wording.
It's hard to know how much info to share while still giving fellow DBers enough to work with. But I'll put it this way, the question H asked made ZERO sense. It was along the lines of, "Why don't we get divorced by doing X?" But anyone with basic knowledge of divorce would know that X is impossible.
So I replied that I don't think X would work but he could look into it.
Had Dr's appt, was prescribed ADs. Have a couple more follow-up appointments for various reasons. This is a 180 for me, actually following through on medical stuff. This unwelcome experience is REALLY teaching me the importance of taking care of my health. I did exercise and eat well before but found going to the doctor such a hassle.
H followed up on my "carrot." At first he was gung-ho about moving forward, then I explained I don't want to move forward until I get through some work stuff (it's an especially busy time of the year) and FIND A PLACE TO LIVE and he backed off and apologized, told me to take my time. I said it might take a couple months, he said it's ok. He heard about the extreme weather in Big City, asked if it affected me. He was a little chatty so I followed his lead a bit. He's traveling (I noted that he was online at an unusual hour), I said I hope he's having a good trip, but didn't ask any questions. He said he's doing some things for work. Privately I wondered if he's traveling with OW, a gross and unhelpful thought, and pushed it away. I turned the chit chat back to business, asked for the info for his lawyer. I made a joke about the website; H followed up with another one. I talked about figuring out the additional step my L brought up that his had overlooked, he said it was a good idea. Then I said I had to go.
It felt good to be the one to end the conversation first. Last time I wasn't.
Thank you, Kind18. Yeah I was proud of keeping it together and being firm yet friendly yet a little aloof even when I was actually dying inside. Had a good cry after the conversation. This sht is hard. I don't know how the people doing IHS manage.
Ugh. The in-jokes and chit chat from yesterday triggered me. Today, I'm thinking of happier times, when H and I were so simpatico, playing off each other like a comedy duo. I miss that. Feeling sad and wistful and reminding myself that H is incapable of a healthy relationship with anyone. He doesn't have a healthy relationship with himself.
Thankfully, I have a really packed GAL schedule to distract me for the next few days.
