Going dark feels like pressure

[Bat]

Thank you for all the responses I really appreciate and read everything several times. So if I don’t quote or respond to every comment is not that I didn’t read, just need to process it.

Update. Yesterday he started talking about the apartment more. I didn’t ask questions, let him do the talking. He said it’s mainly about the house and his anxiety. Combined with his medical issues that affects his sleeping. He also said that he had been reading about this condition (i know he is on a fb group about this subject) and learned that lack of sleep can cost depression and anxiety. In short the situation at home is that he is fighting to stay awake, being depressed and anxious about the house and the dog and I would get mad at him for sleeping on the couch every evening.
This has been a negative spiral for years and he needs to get out of it. He wants to work on the medical condition and after that get counselling.
It was a good talk, we both said nothing about OW. I do know she is not the reason she is a symptom. I did ask about finances, because he wants to move out for a year (the rent is a year), to find out what he wants. I did not ask or talk about coming back, the dynamics shifted he was the one talking about not thinking clear, probably having regrets when he does and coming back .He even joked about me moving in with him in the apartment. I did not response to that.

I did warn him to check a few things and have a plan financially. His anxiety is about not being able to afford things and getting a second house is in my opinion a big risk. His is willing to use his savings for this, instead of buying a motorcycle. Normally I shouldn’t have done this, but I already shared my worries, he might jump of that apartment building if he feels he can’t afford all of this.

This talk was proofing me he is not ok. He needs therapy and yes maybe being away will help him too.

But when I woke up this morning I was thinking about not believing what he says, only what he does. And he is building a new nest with her help. I do want this situation of a year of living apart and working on ourselves. But also a bit worried that I make things too easy for him. He does have me waiting at home for him and this will not bring him back. Maybe I should read about setting boundaries more? And not tell him but show him i am not waiting but moving on with my life.