Hi Spiral. What a weird situation. Really don't get why W is dragging her feet. And I can't wrap my head around the OM and the kind of person who would be ok with this state of affairs. To have the responsibilities and trappings of a relationship but no real sign of commitment from W, no legit social recognition, or legal protection. The relationship between W and OM is bizarre and I cannot imagine how it could possibly be healthy. The mess they made definitely has nothing to do with you.
I have a theory. She told everyone that she's marrying OM immediately after getting divorced. OM thinks they're getting married immediately after she gets divorced. So, everyone, including, OM is expecting her to marry OM immediately after getting divorced. But she doesn't want to marry OM immediately. Rather than tell OM that, she withdrew the divorce proceedings to buy herself more time before she has to marry OM and told OM it was all Spiral's fault.
I have a theory. She told everyone that she's marrying OM immediately after getting divorced. OM thinks they're getting married immediately after she gets divorced. So, everyone, including, OM is expecting her to marry OM immediately after getting divorced. But she doesn't want to marry OM immediately. Rather than tell OM that, she withdrew the divorce proceedings to buy herself more time before she has to marry OM and told OM it was all Spiral's fault.
You know what? Your theory could be right, or it could be wrong 🤷♂️
Better off spending time on GAL and becoming the best Spiral you can be.
Trying to understand the rationale behind a WS or WAS is like deliberately sticking a fork in your eye.
Who knows what's actually going on over there? And as long as my kids are safe, it doesn't matter. But I understand why they start dragging their feet when they are on the other side. She left thinking she'd found some sort of epic fairytale that would last a lifetime. Nearly three years later, real life has replaced the fairy tale and the honeymoon phase is over. It's why they say this is a marathon, not a sprint. However, whatever she might be thinking, I don't think the thought of coming back has ever crossed her mind. Very little of it has to do with me. Thank goodness, I'm not OM. Who knows what his future holds.
Spiral
Good stuff here, Spiral! I love how you are looking at all of this. And yes, those that are addicted to limerence are doomed to jump from new person to new person until they figure themselves out.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Spi - spot on, this isn't about you, what you did or didn't do as a husband, father, partner. all about her.
as a follow up to Kind's post - I found it helpful to devote a small amount of time to this kind of speculation, not more than 15 minutes - no more, no less. Then back to your most excellent GAL activities and making Christmas and New Year spectacular for your children.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
as a follow up to Kind's post - I found it helpful to devote a small amount of time to this kind of speculation, not more than 15 minutes - no more, no less. Then back to your most excellent GAL activities and making Christmas and New Year spectacular for your children.
I agree. The key is not to dwell on it.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Well, I came home from a business trip and the wedding pictures were back up in the bedroom. I could get someone else to check on the dog. But the dog loves her. And I love the dog. Plainly, this is why women should never date separated men.
Your W comes over to care for the dog when you're out of town and puts back up your wedding pictures? That's... interesting. Did she say anything about it?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
