Going dark feels like pressure

[Bat]

Not sure you specific circumstances, but do know there are lot of ways to have children which don't include sleeping with another woman. Adoption, fostering, IVF, sperm bank, surrogacy...etc, etc.

Yes we did look into these options. But all of these options mean authorities are judging your abilities. And that is something we are scared of. Also involves a lot of money.

This OW is appealing because she’ll be able to pay for most of it, she has a good job in the medical field. It’s not really about not wanting to pay money but about being responsible for the money. She has made jokes about being his sugar mummy, when talking about sending money for an apartment. He did talk about a baby with her and she said wasn’t ready to do this at the same time as moving to our country learning the language etc. In her country she would be able to do it because she has the money and job and house already.

H has some mental issues about money, especially with being a house owner and did go to IC for this. It was about disaster scenarios, like being afraid that the house would collapse due to negligence and things like that.

Getting OW pregnant will not involve anyone interfering or judging him. In his mind people will only congratulate him on having a child and finally be one of the club.

Yes I understand this is messed up. If everything was normal I wouldn’t be on this board.

The easiest way to explain is that he is desperate to fit in, be accepted by friends, family the world and he needs a child for that and this is his only chance to achieve that.

I do know that when the A ends he wants to come back, but that it doesn’t mean problems are solved. We both have serious mental health problems but I still hope we can work on this together.

And she would benefit from the situation the most, it would fulfill her dream of living in Europe, and she’s almost 40 so last chance to have a child also. So I don’t feel sorry for her. She knows she broke up a 14 year R, so I wouldn’t feel sorry for her if she ends up a single mother.