Going dark feels like pressure

[Bat]

But then he did have the PA and he said it wasn’t about the sex anymore, it wasn’t even that special, with me it was more special but he was willing to give up on good sex if he had that “calm” feeling he experienced being with her.

It sounds like he's still saying he prefers her in a very twisted way. A very weird and disrespectful excuse to continue the affair. It's all very unfair to you.

He prefers the escapeism she offers him. The prospect of a whole new life, a house/apartment without responsibility (because it’ll be a rental instead of owning a house), a new gf who likes everything he does as says no painful history together, no financial responsibility because she’ll take care of that, in his mind other men will be jealous of him instead of other way around, combined with the looks he has always been dreaming about. She provides a constant feeling of being on holiday with her looks, way of talking and positive mindset. And maybe maybe even the possibility of having a baby which will earn him the respect of others.

Just to let you know how close we are (were?), he even shared these details with me right after it happened and later on more details.

Did he volunteer these details or did you ask for them? How did you feel when he shared these details?

Both, at first in oct it was like a challenge he needed to complete, to sleep with 1 more woman in his life. We shared every detail and he thought about me all the time, even during it he thought about how he wanted to tell me about it. He didn’t enjoy it. But he did enjoy the time the were spending especially the public display of affection he got. This made up for his puberty gf rejecting him. As i said this A is 15 years old H. In a weird [censored] up way it also is a lot about how other men see him, about envy. He later showed me some pictures of their time together to proof how happy he was. I didn’t want to see her in the pictures he respected that. I was a bit worried about these pictures because he didn’t look happy but manic to me. This combined with some anger attacks that really are not like him, made me worry about a mental illness or even a brain tumor. He did have cancer before. But then I read about MLC and then I knew that that’s what it is.

I really don't like the way he's treating you, Bat. He sounds extremely manipulative.

Maybe. But I let him treat me like that so maybe I am the enabler.