Going dark feels like pressure

[Bat]

Hello B

Competing with a fantasy is near impossible as long as the fantasy exists. A fantasy exists in the mind, free of the confines and pressures of real life. H’s fantasy will get more and more disrupted and fall apart as more and more of life injects into it. This cannot be by your hand. Any interference by you will be met with rebellion and invariably strengthen their bond.

Yes I think and hope when she moves over to our country things will start to get real. He actually thinks this will happen.

To clarify; H and I live in country a, OW in country b in this tropical part of the world, I’m on a month long trip to country c also in the tropical part of the world.

H will travel to country b in a few days to meet her. This was his idea and I think part of the fantasy. She hijacked his plans by making decision to book a ticket to our country a, at the same flight as his flight home, and to book a 3 month language course in our country incl an apartment. So after their holiday they will move to her airbnb. H looks forward to the holiday in country b, but is a bit hesitant to moving to the Airbnb with her. He doesn’t like the big city is it in, and he doesn’t like that she’ll be doing GAL in our country. Why? He is afraid he won’t get the attention he wants and that she’ll meet another guy in our country a to fulfill her dream of living in a western country. But that’s 15 years old H speaking.
He knows chances are his fantasy will fall apart this period and he said I come home as soon as I can let go.

It’s not only about her GAL and being afraid she’ll find someone else. It’s also about habits in eating, household etc he thinks she’ll not accept him as he is.

My actions might be seen along the road you said. Yes that’s why I do think I should not push him away completely. That would make it to easy to feel sorry for himself and saying I screwed up she’s better off without me so now I have to move on and find OW 2-3-4 whatever. But I try to see the fine line between pushing away and going dim and focus on myself.