When I'm spinning, I get a sense of what it might be like in the brain of a WAS—the overwhelming desire to do something NOW to stop the emotional turmoil. But that never results in good decision-making.
Last night a realization hit me: the relationship I have with myself is the most important one in my life. And this relationship is improving everyday. I really like myself.
I'm feeling really good today. And looking forward to a full slate of GAL activities for the coming weekend. A concert and three parties. My social calendar is so full that I'm having to ask friends if we can move stuff to next week.
BD caused me to look myself in the mirror and I didn't like the boring, negative person I had become. When you ignore yourself for so long, you don't realize the slow changes that take place. The journey back to finding myself is exciting so far, but makes me wish I had done it sooner. Not necessarily for my M, but for own happiness. Keep crushing the GAL and best of luck!
Ok the roller coaster ride continues. I was feeling good earlier but my IC session was rough.
Just finished talking with the IC that I'm thinking of leaving. I said that according the L, given the circumstances of H wanting the divorce and being generous with money so far, it is probably best to try to negotiate the settlement amicably instead of filing on grounds of adultery. So no need to collect evidence. I also said that it would be very painful to try to do that, anyway. She reiterated that even if it isn't useful for the legal strategy, it would still be good for me to ask for details so that I can get the full picture of who H is. Otherwise, I'd be in denial of his betrayal. By knowing the full extent of his betrayal, it will be easier to drop him. This suggestion came about because I admitted that I miss the old H and still have a tiny bit of hope that he might "wake up" in the distant future. (I did also say that despite having this hope, I'm making decisions for the future assuming that he won't be in it.)
She gave some advice that was helpful for dealing with other stuff going on in my life, but I don't appreciate this pressure to ask for details of the affairs. I agree with the advice on this board that it's better to move on without this information. The IC doesn't seem to view affairs as a bandaid for a problem, but the problem in and of itself. We went overtime with the appointment and haven't set a time for the next one.
I have an appointment to try out a new IC next week. I'll see how that goes before deciding which one to continue with.
She reiterated that even if it isn't useful for the legal strategy, it would still be good for me to ask for details so that I can get the full picture of who H is. Otherwise, I'd be in denial of his betrayal. By knowing the full extent of his betrayal, it will be easier to drop him.
Originally Posted by marching
I don't appreciate this pressure to ask for details of the affairs.
I'm no psychologist / IC, but can't say I understand this suggestion. Imo finding out more and more information is going to cause you to spin and get riled up more, and perhaps dwell on the details.
Originally Posted by marching
I have an appointment to try out a new IC next week. I'll see how that goes before deciding which one to continue with.
Smart move.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I'm no psychologist / IC, but can't say I understand this suggestion. Imo finding out more and more information is going to cause you to spin and get riled up more, and perhaps dwell on the details.
Yeah I agree. Sounds like it would open me up to more traumatic and intrusive thoughts.
