Wow, I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I posted. It’s felt like there wasn’t much to post about so I’ve just been following the other threads here and trying to focus my attention on myself and my kids. Then things changed the other day, but I’ll recap the past few weeks first.
Christmas and New Year’s came and went without much issue. Things seemed pretty normal. We spent Christmas with the kids and New Year’s was spent apart. W took D5 to a friend’s house and I spent it with my sister’s family. I noticed a few changes with W to start the year. For the first few days, she resembled the person that she used to be. She started taking care of some of the things for D5 and the house that she has mostly ignored for months. Sadly, this only lasted a few days and it was back to hiding on her bed or in the bath tub. Nothing seemed to trigger a change, but I do know that taking care of any “normal” responsibility seems to be draining on W’s mental energy. It’s strange. After the first few days, things went back to the weird state of limbo that I’ve lived through for the past several months.
While cleaning up on Saturday, I found a folded up piece of paper sticking out of W’s purse on the counter. I got nosy and looked at it and it is W’s notes for her plans for divorce. I think was from one of her recent therapy sessions. It’s short, so I’ll just include it all here.
1) legal separation 2) court facilitator, paperwork, time 3) guilt, guilt for the kids, fear of failure, judge 4) moving forward and more control of my life
Deserve it, believe it.
S-legal separation M-by end of February A- yes R- moving forward T-
I will file for legal separation by the end of February. I will download the paperwork and call the facilitator by Jan 20th. I will have it filled out by feb 10th and filed by feb 24th. Suggest dispute resolution if H doesn’t agree. Remind myself of why I am doing this and I can love myself and let them have their feelings. Reach out to support system (4 friend’s names) Have faith in myself. Just do it. Don’t wait.
You did it b!tch!!!
There were also a few things scribbled out that included moving out by July and saving money for moving out/legal battle.
So yeah, I’m glad I at least know what to plan for now. I was partially expecting something to happen this month or next month, just based on statistics of when people file for D (Jan-Mar). I’ve read about that and talked about it with my sister and therapist, so it’s not a complete shock despite things seeming stagnant for a while. I was expecting W to keep this info to herself, but Sunday morning she asked to talk for a minute before my run and she said she would need my retirement info because she has to get with the court facilitator this week. D18 told me later that day that W had told her Saturday night that she would be filing for D in February. She also asked D18 if it would be weird if she went on dates. W said it was awkward and didn’t answer. So that’s where things currently stand.
My emotions have been in check. I wasn’t angry or sad or anything, just disappointed I guess. I’m planning on retaining one of the lawyers that I previously spoke with to have things squared away on my end and I’ll get her my retirement info today. I know that W planning something is not the same as her actually following through with it, but her semi-specific plans and an almost complete SMART goal is as close as it gets to that, especially for her. She has not really expressed her thoughts on the important stuff such as where our kids will go, where our four pets will go, what we are doing with the house, etc. She did mention that her friend who divorced last year kept her house in lieu of taking half her H’s retirement. I’m not sure if that is W’s hope, but that does not work for our situation. She also is under the impression that a judge might make her move out after filing. Not sure where that is coming from as I don’t believe there is any validity to it, but I’ll help you pack!
I have still been focused on GAL stuff. I am starting week 6 of 12 training for my first half marathon. I finished reading “Getting Back Together” - decent book for people trying to understand what’s going on right after DB. Almost done with a book called “Switch”, which is about making sustained changes in life. More professional changes than personal ones. It’s a decent book, but not really what I am interested in at this moment. I’ve still been spending as much time as I can with the kids, friends and family. Getting ready for an out of state trip for a soccer tournament for D18. I booked my own hotel. Saturday W asked if we are staying in the same hotel to split costs. I said no, I was not planning on that. It was ironic considering she is planning to file for D three days after we return. I didn’t know that yet when I answered her, but I’m glad I didn’t say yes. There’s a daddy-daughter dance I’m going to in a few weeks. Had to cancel a show I was going to this week because of work, but I’m going to keep seeking things out to keep busy.
I feel dumb for taking so long to post again. Nothing seemed notable enough to post. It’s probably hard to follow along with big time gaps. I should be more consistent with posting, especially in light of the new info. I am still following along with the posts here. Doug54, there seems to be a lot of similarities. IHS is a pain, but hang in there man. I hope everyone is doing well!
Nothing that you found or read is NEW information....
