I disagree w/your IC. IF information about the affairs can be beneficial to you in the LEGAL proceedings than by all means collect that data, but in terms of your personal/emotional closure better not to know at all IMO. The new additional info will likely just rile you up and cause more spin. Better to leave it behind you and look forward.
I'm no expert in IC selection but have seen plenty others recommend shopping around until you find one that's good and one that fits you. Like any profession there's a range of competence.
In terms of goals...just breathe. It's is ALRIGHT not to have structured goals and not to have your next year or two mapped out precisely. Prioritize your mental and physical health for sure. Give yourself permission to take the time to heal. You don't need to be back to your perfect self at this point. It's OK to take your time and take things slow.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Thanks so much for that, BL42. I can be very hard on myself sometimes. I've always been a planner. Not having goals freaks me out. I guess I can turn it around by having more achievable self-care goals. Like meditating for 5 min every day.
Gonna consult with L re: evidence of affairs. Pretty sure IC is operating from outdated information on divorce laws. Yeah, I definitely don't want to seek out info about H's infidelity right now.
BL is correct. Shop around and find an IC that fits you. Also, it takes time to heal and find one’s center again; not to worry goals will reappear. When one is calm and still, answers will present themselves.
Originally Posted by marching
I feel like I have to take action. So I will. I will redirect the focus on myself. Time to recommit to pouring myself into my work and hobbies and social life. To get my mental and physical health back on track. To be kind to myself.
Good for you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Ok lol I know I posted about turning the focus to myself but I still have to vent.
Got a notification that H changed his profile pic on a chat app. I don't really use this app but it is still on my phone just in the background and mostly forgot about it. In the pic he kinda has crazy eyes. And there are two accessories he's wearing that are directly associated with me because they are related to the hobbies I supported him pursuing. One of them he didn't even have the confidence to start, but now he's advanced a lot in it. The hobbies that he's enjoying and made a big part of his current lifestyle and self-presentation, he cultivated them because of me. He wouldn't have them without me. I wasn't perfect but I was a good partner. I was really supportive of his interests and believed in him when he didn't believe in himself. I'm really hurt that he doesn't see how much good I contributed to his life. How could he just toss me aside. Idiot.
I just deleted a bunch of digital stuff that still connected me to H. Stuff that was dormant and that I was reminded of because of the unexpected notification from the chat app. In the course of doing clearing out this stuff, I found out that H injured himself increasing his mileage too quickly. I cannot deny that the news gave me pleasure. This is the kind of thing that I would have gently cautioned him about in the past. I hope he is in terrible pain. Yes, I am being petty. Lol.
