What to do 4

[MikeP]

Hi Mike,

Mikey P: No I am good I am about to go for a run.

I strongly suggest that you do some digging into why this is the correct type of response until you are in piecing.

I understand it, honestly. This situation just really got to me.

[bttrfly]

Also, if you are trying to reconcile with a spouse who is not remorseful, you are going to have to eat a lot of $hit sandwiches.

and drink a lot of stfu smoothies

[bttrfly]

Mike, Did you read the MLC chapter in Divorce Remedy?

Also, read some threads on the MLC forum.

[LH19]

Hi Mike,

Mikey P: No I am good I am about to go for a run.

I strongly suggest that you do some digging into why this is the correct type of response until you are in piecing.

I understand it, honestly. This situation just really got to me.

Mikey P I know you feel like the victim here. I totally get that. I can promise you she feels like the victim too. Right or wrong that’s how she feels. If you try to convince her she’s wrong, crazy, being ridiculous I promise you it will not end the way you want it to.

You have to remember that how she was living did NOT work for her. What’s different?

[MikeP]

Hi Mike,

Mikey P: No I am good I am about to go for a run.

I strongly suggest that you do some digging into why this is the correct type of response until you are in piecing.

I understand it, honestly. This situation just really got to me.

Mikey P I know you feel like the victim here. I totally get that. I can promise you she feels like the victim too. Right or wrong that’s how she feels. If you try to convince her she’s wrong, crazy, being ridiculous I promise you it will not end the way you want it to.

You have to remember that how she was living did NOT work for her. What’s different?

I don’t feel like a victim, not sure what I feel like I am. 10 months in and I mostly feel stunned about it all. I hate the poor me, victim mentality. I’ve not tried to convince her of anything since discovering DB. The most I’ve said about her feelings is that i feel she should have come to me before things became so bad. Haven’t said that in several months either. I’ve validated her feelings the few times she’s actually expressed them, at least I tried to.

[MikeP]

Mike, Did you read the MLC chapter in Divorce Remedy?

Also, read some threads on the MLC forum.

I did and I have. Reread the chapter recently.

[MikeP]

I think at times I “forget” momentarily what’s going on. She’s home, more affectionate than ever sometimes, and we are just together so much that things feel normal. When something reminds me I sort of feel like I did in the beginning. Maybe? Does that make sense? I need to fix that. I’ve been getting out with friends but not enough lately. Usually go to the gym or running while everyone is gone now that I’m not working. Should probably adjust my schedule and go in the evening when W is home from work.

[LH19]

I’ve not tried to convince her of anything since discovering DB.

You try to convince her she was staring at OM when she told you she wasn't.

Could be many more and you don't even realize it right?

[MikeP]

I meant in regards to her feelings. Yeah, I tried to convince her she was starting at him. So I never say a word about anything she does? Seriously don’t think I’ve got that in me. Maybe that means I’m too weak, just being honest.

[LH19]

So I never say a word about anything she does? Seriously don’t think I’ve got that in me.

I would suggest before you do ask yourself if I say this to W will this bring me closer to my goal or further from my goal?

What did you gain by telling her she was staring at OM? What response were you looking for that would have satisfied you?

Mikey P learning to control your emotions is a powerful thing.