Bttrfly- thanks for your input. I do have sort of an unofficial and fluid list in my head of ways my life and level of happiness would quite possibly improve if this marriage ended. Of course, there's a flip side to that coin as well.
No one who responds to my posts has anything to go upon other than what I offer. In all actuality, I would not deem my life to be terrible right now. If I was better at "stop sign imagery" and arresting unwelcome thoughts that percolate in my head, my life would probably be even better. I see my kids every day. I interact with my wife in mostly decent fashion every day and we sleep in the same bed together, often with intimacy Everyone is healthy, at least as far as I know. There's just the mushroom cloud of not knowing all that W is up to and what the final resolution of this situation will be. I would bet the mortgage that MLC is involved, which I guess maybe sorta takes some of the sting away a tiny bit, knowing W is fighting some demons and playing out a journey that can't be prematurely manipulated.
Bttrfly, it looks like you got divorced in 2016. Do you still wish it hadn't happened, or are you happy? Have you met someone else?
yes my divorce was final 12/23/16
I will always wish that my marriage didn't fail. Failure isn't something I accept well. Mach1 will tell you I'm an overachiever. He's not wrong.
As disappointed as I am in my ex, as disgusted as I am by some of his choices and subsequent behaviors, we were together for more than half my life and I loved him dearly. Truth be told part of me always will.
This does not preclude me being happy now.
There have been a lot of things in my life the past three years which have disrupted my peace - my dad's decline and subsequent death, then my mom's decline and subsequent death, all the while issues with my son happening in parallel. There's been a lot on my plate.
That said, am I happy? well, I just finished a year of mourning for my mom and my dad, and processing all that's happened. I feel like I'm coming out of it. Prior to 2019, yes, I was definitely getting my groove back, figuring out how I wanted to live my life and had really happy moments. Not the wellspring of joy I had prior to my marriage failing, but definitely calmer and happier than I thought I'd be.
I feel like I'm starting to have those again.
I've intentionally not dated. Too much on my plate to add that to the mix. I am now starting to explore that. My thread is on the Surviving side of the forum.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
