Thanks for validating, Kind18. It's nice to be reminded that 4 months is still early days and that it's normal to have these feelings.
Warning: lots of venting ahead.
As you can tell, Kind18, my mental health is not great atm. I've been doing as you suggested. Going to IC, which I have through my EAP. And I've talked to a doctor about my situation. Was officially diagnosed with depression, and instead of prescribing ADs, the doctor recommended everything you and others say here: exercise and counseling. Which I had already been doing, but the affair BD threw me off. Lost my appetite for a bit, but I'm getting back on track. Exercise became hard recently—my fitness levels dropped really suddenly. Turns out I have anemia! So I'm on iron supplements and dialing in my nutrition (which was actually pretty good before, except for the periods of eating very little lol). And I'm going back to the dr for more tests for other stuff that could be contributing to my funk. Safe to say that my insides are not pretty at the moment. Still trying to do what I can though. Even running for 15 min is better than nothing, I figure. On a positive note, I went to a martial arts class the other day with a friend. It was fun. I was out of breath pretty quickly but I'm not sore at all. My blood isn't delivering enough oxygen to my muscles, but at least those muscles are pretty strong and flexible!
With the mood issues and a reduced capacity for physical exertion, my sleep hasn't been great. I'm very frustrated with everything. Lots of work and health stress. My sublet is ok but not that comfortable. I'm a bit stressed about finding a new place; it's known to be an ordeal in Big City that everyone complains about.
I appreciate the reminder to be kind to myself. When I step back and think about what I have been through not just in the past few months but only in the past few weeks, it really is a lot.
I think I'm taking on too much at once. I forgot to respond to BL's questions about finding out details of the affairs in my last post. It could be useful should my D go to court. No, I wouldn't go as far as hiring a PI. I understand what everyone says about taking advantage of the WAS's guilt for the best business deal. I hope H will continue to feel guilty for a while. I need time to sort out my immediate health problems and living situation before I can take on this D.
The bright spot is my social life. I've been out with friends every day for the past week. I am definitely faking it sometimes. Last night I went to the movies and stepped out several times to weep in the bathroom. It was satisfying—finally, some tears!
