Basically on cruise control. Had a rough moment this past Sunday. D13 had two bball games in a neighboring county. OM showed up for some reason. I saw him but didn’t acknowledge it. W saw him and commented that she realized why I looked angry. I was trying not to. I told her I wasn’t angry. I said I don’t understand why he is here or how he would know about the games. Nothing else was said. However, multiple times throughout the day I turned to say something and she would be staring at him. That did piss me off, however I kept it to myself. Until the next day. She asked if something was bothering me so I told her. I told her very calmly what I witnessed, said it was disrespectful, and I didn’t appreciate it. She became angry, started getting loud. I stopped her and said if she was going to yell at me then I was not continuing the convo. She calmed down. Said I was wrong, lying, full of it. I told her we would have to agree to disagree and she left the room. She approached me later and said she was making sure not look at him. I said, unwisely, “I guess you just can’t help it, I hate to think how it is when you two are at work”. She talked to me again at bedtime and said she really didn’t think she was staring at him and she was sorry if she did. I accepted her apology. There was a little from her about still not knowing what she wants. I basically said I understand what you are saying yet I don’t really understand. Back to “normal” again.
She asked if something was bothering me so I told her.
Mikey P: No I am good I am about to go for a run.
Originally Posted by MikeP
Said I was wrong, lying, full of it. I told her we would have to agree to disagree and she left the room. She approached me later and said she was making sure not look at him. I said, unwisely, “I guess you just can’t help it, I hate to think how it is when you two are at work”.
So do you think this conversation moved you closer to your goal or pushed it further away.
Originally Posted by MikeP
She talked to me again at bedtime and said she really didn’t think she was staring at him and she was sorry if she did. I accepted her apology.
This is good.
Originally Posted by MikeP
There was a little from her about still not knowing what she wants.
Every time you ask this is what you will hear.
Originally Posted by MikeP
I basically said I understand what you are saying yet I don’t really understand.
The conversation didn’t help anything per se. I felt it was very disrespectful and I’m tired of being disrespected in my marriage, especially that blatantly. She started the talk about not knowing what she wants, I don’t remember exactly how she brought it up. I don’t understand the mlc, if that’s what’s up, mindset because I’m not the one in the midst it.
Last edited by DnJ; 01/12/2303:52 PM. Reason: Corrected typo.
Completely understand your emotions and feelings about seeing W checking out OM. That's completely valid.
However, if your goal is to save your marriage my guess is you're going to have to swallow your pride one some of these things...even if you should've have to. Although not right, her behaviors in this case are relatively benign compared to what they could be.
Sorry man, it's not easy or fair - but you're going to have to be ready to put up with a little bit in the hopes of keeping your family together and marriage whole.
Just my two cents...maybe others disagree.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Also, if you are trying to reconcile with a spouse who is not remorseful, you are going to have to eat a lot of $hit sandwiches.
Yeah, figured that out already. Not sure what it is with her. A lot of her actions, words seem to fall in line with mlc. No signs that anything is going on with the om since she came home. In the end it requires the same things on my part. Right?
Completely understand your emotions and feelings about seeing W checking out OM. That's completely valid.
However, if your goal is to save your marriage my guess is you're going to have to swallow your pride one some of these things...even if you should've have to. Although not right, her behaviors in this case are relatively benign compared to what they could be.
Sorry man, it's not easy or fair - but you're going to have to be ready to put up with a little bit in the hopes of keeping your family together and marriage whole.
Just my two cents...maybe others disagree.
Originally Posted by BL42
MikeP,
Completely understand your emotions and feelings about seeing W checking out OM. That's completely valid.
However, if your goal is to save your marriage my guess is you're going to have to swallow your pride one some of these things...even if you should've have to. Although not right, her behaviors in this case are relatively benign compared to what they could be.
Sorry man, it's not easy or fair - but you're going to have to be ready to put up with a little bit in the hopes of keeping your family together and marriage whole.
Just my two cents...maybe others disagree.
I know are right. I’ve accepted that it’s not fair, who said life was fair. I think I’ve been as understanding as could be expected so far. Her sitting next to me, staring at him was hard to swallow. I was proud of myself for being calm and waiting 24 hours. I suppose it was still wrong and obviously didn’t help. I also remind myself when things bother me that others are going through way worse things. Reminds me not to have a victim mentality. Thanks for your input.
