Some things I couldn't add in my previous post because the edit button timed out:
read #1 again and again until it really sinks in.
no one is judging me today except me.
When I said if and only if -- I meant this: that I could and did follow BD principles, hired a great DB coach who helped a lot, and the techniques worked, but not long term in my case.
I think when the sale went through of our marital home, something broke inside of me. I wasn't willing to accept crumbs, cake eating or touch and gos.
I gave him everything he wanted - enough rope to hang himself. And still, I did not want this divorce.
But now that it's here? I'm grateful for unanswered prayers.
I will also say something else as I'm thinking of it:
there is a vast, vast difference between what people experience in a BD and it's done case versus IHS. Read HaWho's threads to get a small view of what I mean. Living IH with a cheating spouse is miserable. Thank God I only had that officially for 3 weeks, although one could argue that 50% travel for the prior year was a big lead up. There are people here who had IHS for YEARS. God bless them, i don't know how they did it. Read LH's threads for that as well.
Pre-BD insanity varies case by case. In my case, the last 4 years were an evolving nightmare that I can only see in hindsight.
Where am I now? Off the leash and running free!
Last edited by bttrfly; 01/11/2312:40 PM.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
