actually i'm going to say something that may go in opposition to this board:

my divorce HAS brought a measure of peace which I never expected.

I did not want my divorce. I did my best to DB, God knows he didn't make it easy with his constant bullying and monstering. I believe that marriage is meant for life, not until MLC or boredom or some other excuse like you didn't meet their needs that they were supposed to figure out how to meet themselves but couldn't.

What I have now that I didn't have in my marriage are a number of unexpected gifts:

1. there is no more pressure disguised as support.

2. there is no more subtle, then ever-increasingly not-so-subtle criticisms, of pretty much everything.

3. there is no more worry about paying for groceries at the register while he has 4 gym memberships, a BMW and two motorcycles.

to name a few things.

Could those issues have been addressed without a divorce? Absolutely. I really believe they could, IF and only IF my exh was willing to put in the necessary work on both the marriage and even more importantly himself.

That's a big if.

DnJ's post made me think back to pre-BD and compare it to now. In many ways life is harder now, but also much calmer. No one is threatening to move us out of the country because of some perceived political trend. I control my own money and my own spending. There's less money, yes, but also less turmoil. So much less turmoil.

Overall, I believe that I will have a happier and much more peaceful life in the years to come.

Last edited by bttrfly; 01/11/23 12:21 PM.
M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver