Thanks for the check in Rock! I’ve been doing pretty good. I get sucked back in here or there, being in the same house makes full detachment extremely hard especially with S6 here. When I am around her I am practicing 180s, validation and working on zero advice. I have maintained focus on myself and had a great weekend. Still doing Krav classes, reading a ton, got my Harley up and running again. Been trying to stay as busy as possible. Went to the Driving Range and Gun range with my buddy on Saturday and then watched football yesterday while she was out.
I know what works which is DB and detachment. I find myself getting lured back in when it feels like she is working her program or being honest. I need some 2x4s, I let myself slip into an R talk earlier today. She has been saying that she is not talking to anyone outside the marriage and does not want to be with anyone while we are in the same house. I totally dropped the ball and asked her about our situation. She came back with I know you don’t want to be friends and I don’t live you that way, she also pulled the card of I envision a husband that is my friend. She mentioned we could have an open marriage and do our own thing to keep things normal for S6. I said absolutely not. I have zero interest in that. Then of course I said so basically you don’t want to work on the marriage because you want to have sex with others. She said no that’s not the reason. This tells me there is still some sort of contact with at least one of the OM.
I realized my mistake while I was doing it, and always remember after these conversations are why we don’t have R conversations. I make progress and then take 2 steps back. This IHS is hard, I made some changes to where I work in the house to ensure less interaction through the day. She works from 1-6:30 now and then one of us leaves for the evening. I have to drop this damn rope totally. I am happy with the work I am doing on myself and will continue to do so.
Don't beat yourself up too much over taking steps backward. I was beating myself up each time too, but I realized that it was affecting me way more than my W. Also, I learn something each time that helps me avoid doing it again. Try to view it as a learning opportunity rather than a mistake.
