Feeling loss comes from many sides. For discussion let’s consider loss of spouse and relationship.
The lack of emotional support. Not having that immediate sounding board or shoulder to lean/cry upon.
The absence of that shared closeness. Knowing and feeling like you are special to the other person. Like you are the one.
The fact of having to do things without that second set of hands. Life, chores, trips, shopping, walking, talking, etc. All feel very different when solo.
Currently W is infatuated/confused with her choice. It will take time for those current feelings to extinguish and then for the feelings loss to build. The more you keep propping her up, the less loss she will feel.
It seems that she is trying to replace the closeness and having a shoulder to cry upon by meeting a lot with her female best friend.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Eventually, she will likely reach back, and you should more date again. The majority of your five years together was BF/GF not husband/wife. Reconciling, when/if, will need a familiar foundation.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Currently, definitely no asking for a date.
Sorry for the confusion. My point is, if she pursues you - and by the way you will know it - you’ll likely build upon whatever foundation you two have. Being newlyweds is different than a two decade marriage. Less built up resentments, less water under the bridge, less debts, and so on.
Thanks for clarifying. I made this mistake early on, but now have stopped proposing any dates. Usually when I communicate with her I try sticking to one topic at time without any discussions on R (unless she brings it up).
Originally Posted by DnJ
W is feeling a lot inside, and will not display it. She is trying to figure something out (find herself). Folks in such an emotional quagmire often withdrawal inward and display little of what they are processing. It’s depression as well.
Logic and reason belong to the intellectual realm. Emotions are non-rational/non-intellectual. They are born and exist in the realm outside of logic and reason. Feelings are completely normal and need to be felt, and need not tie to whatever one is thinking about. EQ vs IQ.
Emotionally driven is unlike driven intellectually. It’s not a logical and reasoned approach to things. And when following one’s non-rational pressures and drives, poorer decisions are more likely.
I’m not professing W’s entire life is currently driven emotionally. Just certain facets of it. And in particular, and in regards to you and your relationship, she is more emotionally driven than intellectually driven to her decisions. Once you realize this, and oddly rationalize this for yourself, you will better find detachment and let go easier.
We all require a certain amount of understanding before we can let go. Understand that you cannot alter/control her feelings. Only she can.
You only control three things - your thoughts, actions, and reactions. That’s it. And through your directly controllable self, you influence those and the world around you (as well as yourself).
D
Thank you for this in-depth answer. Setting her and myself free has been one of key cornerstones in my mindset during last several weeks.
