Divorce immediately after marriage

[TellMeSo]

BL42,

We both make good money at our jobs. She is funding it by her own salary. As far as I know, it's not expensive trips compared to the salary.

Fair enough. But again, marital purchases/debt can end up split by both parties unless you can both amicably agree your finances are your own, which sometimes at first can seem likely and then over time get nasty. Hopefully with the short duration of the marriage to date it'll be straightforward, but at least consult with an L to know where you stand. It never hurts to get professional advice on where you stand. Knowledge = power.

Thank you. I will take this into consideration.

She constantly comes back home to take a thing or two, but never takes all of her stuff.

Again, you have to make her FEEL like she's losing you and wonder if she's making a mistake. The way to do that is embrace it. Instead of holding on and trying to "save things" you have to let go and find peace about it. So I'm serious...instead her coming every other day and picking up one or two items, you take the initiative and packing up her stuff, nicely friendly respectfully. With a smile on your face say "Hey W, I helped pack up your things. Here you go. Best of luck :-)

Doesn't this tell a story that I want her out of home and my life?

Or, does it tell her a story of you've heard her feelings and requests and you're honoring them? And that you're happy and enjoying life regardless of her decisions? And maybe she wonders why that is and whether she's making a mistake?

It's hard to be decisive on this one because she never explicitly told me she wants to leave home for good. She asked for separation period to live with her mom, but not to fully leave our home.

Perhaps this could be one of last resort techniques.

Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations.

How many conversations are you having being separated? Might be time to cut the cord there. Be too busy and active to answer her phone calls. Delay answering the texts. Be brief and mysterious about it.

These days it's once or twice a week.

Be busier. Be so active you're not always around to answer her call or respond to her text. Make her FEEL like she's losing you...even if she doesn't want you at the moment.

Well I have 2 weeks of activities planned incl. short vacation. It should help to be less active.

To be honest my analytical mindset is creating fantasies that she might have AP, but my gut is saying that there is none.

Hmmm...so many analytical people here. Don't analyze too much. Be mindful of emotional attraction and her FEELINGS too.

I've always been analytical (my job also requires it). It's pretty hard to turn away from it. For the first several weeks I made many emotional mistakes, but now I am trying to validate her feelings. Last week we had a pleasant conversation for several hours where she opened up on her current situation (not related to R) quite a lot due to my validation (or at least what I understand as validation).

Well maybe an EA, but it's maybe.

Read up on affairs. Men tend to discount EAs, whereas often times these are far more serious for women.

Thank you. I will have a look.

Before and after the wedding we spent most of the time together, thus there was no convenient time for her to find any OM. One could guess that she might have one now, but I doubt that this was the reason for sudden split.

You say you doubt it because she didn't have the time...but she's traveling to places?

She only started doing it recently. I meant that she didn't have the time until BD (several weeks ago). I can not be sure on anything after BD.

During IC we have also deducted EA or PA as one of the reasons why this is happening.

An extremely high percentage of situations here - especially the ones similiar to what you describe end up finding out about an affair being a factor. Like 95%+...even when the LBS says "no way". Just be warned and prepare yourself mentally for the possibility.

I am not dismissing this possibility. However, as I said she turned cold immediately after the wedding. Perhaps even at the end of our honeymoon. Affair should have happened prior to wedding if it was the reason, but then it would be strange for her to go on and have a wedding. Again, not dismissing it, but I would be quite surprised if this was the cause. Currently, I could only guess if she has someone else in mind or not.