Divorce immediately after marriage

[TellMeSo]

TellMeSo,

We have been separated for more than a month now.

Where is she living?

First of all, huge thank you for your answers/questions. She is living with her parents.

I asked several times to work on our issues and to solve them together, but she is refusing and has been mostly silent on our relationship topic apart from several discussions.

You've asked, now stop asking. Do not ask again.

Yes, I've done that. No such requests for 2-3 weeks. Basically it stopped immediately after she told me she wants to divorce.

She has booked several impulsive vacation trips which is quite unusual for her and seems to be running away whenever opportunity arises. Also, made several big purchases in a span of a month.

Who is funding this? Talk to an L and understand the legal financial implications. In many places any assets & debts (especially post-marital) are held jointly, so her expensive vacations and purchases are on you too. You should talk to an L ASAP and may want to something to legally separate the finances so you're not on the hook.

We both make good money at our jobs. She is funding it by her own salary. As far as I know, it's not expensive trips compared to the salary.

She constantly comes back home to take a thing or two, but never takes all of her stuff.

Again, you have to make her FEEL like she's losing you and wonder if she's making a mistake. The way to do that is embrace it. Instead of holding on and trying to "save things" you have to let go and find peace about it. So I'm serious...instead her coming every other day and picking up one or two items, you take the initiative and packing up her stuff, nicely friendly respectfully. With a smile on your face say "Hey W, I helped pack up your things. Here you go. Best of luck :-)

Doesn't this tell a story that I want her out of home and my life?

I am trying to give her the full support and validate her feelings these days and not force anything.

Good to not force anything - you can't anyway, btw - but I'd be wary about "full support". Might be time to stop providing her emotional support.

Yes. My ability to give her emotional support truly depends on her mood swings these days. I could not even call it giving emotional support.

Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations.

How many conversations are you having being separated? Might be time to cut the cord there. Be too busy and active to answer her phone calls. Delay answering the texts. Be brief and mysterious about it.

These days it's once or twice a week.

Should I pay much attention to little details (i.e. if she wants to hug or avoids hugging, her removing wedding ring) or it is better not to focus on those?

Better not to focus. I remember being very upset when W removed her ring, and even when she changed her Facebook profile. Neither mattered in the scheme of things.

TellMeSo - Again, hate to say this but...sudden coldness, "the wrong person for her", "not love my anymore", "needs to find herself", loss of weight, trips away...all tell tale signs of AP. It doesn't change your approach, but prepare yourself for the likely possibility. It'll cause you to spin.

To be honest my analytical mindset is creating fantasies that she might have AP, but my gut is saying that there is none. Well maybe an EA, but it's maybe. Before and after the wedding we spent most of the time together, thus there was no convenient time for her to find any OM. One could guess that she might have one now, but I doubt that this was the reason for sudden split.

I definitely feel that she is having heavy mood swings. One day she seems to be angry about everything, another day she seems fine. And her response to me is also reflected heavily by her mood. I would actually say that her weight loss is the cause of stress. She is not training and eating unhealthy food constantly. It should add to her weight, not help her lose it.

During IC we have also deducted EA or PA as one of the reasons why this is happening. Not sure if this is common in divorces, but it definitely feels that she tries to avoid making any decisions right now and tries to postpone it by running away. Even if she is saying other things in words. This thought was also supported by other people close to us.

Perhaps I am wrong and naive, but I definitely feel that there is stress or anxiety in the air for her. My analytical mind and gut is also supporting this. Would be good to know if someone else felt like this and how it ended.