I have recently married a young beautiful woman (married for several months now). We are both in our late 20's and have been together for 5+ years now. As every couple we had our ups and downs, but we always had fun moments, inside jokes and shared our passion for travelling, board games, music and other things. However, things took a negative turn in recent months.
Last year we have created good memories by taking items from our bucket lists together and organized the wedding to every small detail together. Our wedding took place several months ago and everyone said we looked truly happy. I thought she would be the one and dedicated all my love to her. However, immediately after the wedding something has changed. She became colder and colder until about a month ago she decided to leave our home (living together for 4+ years). We have been separated for more than a month now. She is stating that she lost her feelings and will not get them back. That I am the wrong person for her and she does not love my anymore. She told me that trying to save our marriage will change nothing and she is 100% confident in divorce.
For several weeks now, she has been saying that we should divorce and that the marriage was a mistake. I asked several times to work on our issues and to solve them together, but she is refusing and has been mostly silent on our relationship topic apart from several discussions. She is refusing couples therapy and just wants to end it badly. Even in this situation, none of us can say any particular bad words about each other. She is not specifically blaming me for obvious negative traits, I am not mad at her. She just wants to find "herself" and needs to be selfish for once.
She is telling me that her life is great apart our relationship, but her close relatives are stating that she is different from the times when she was happy and her usual self. She also had a heavy loss in her family early last year and even mentioned burnout at some point. Now, it seems that she wants to shake things up heavily. She has booked several impulsive vacation trips which is quite unusual for her and seems to be running away whenever opportunity arises. Also, made several big purchases in a span of a month. Lost a lot of weight naturally.
One day she is stating that she is tired from everything, especially her work. Another day she is saying that she has never been as delighted and positive as right now. One day we have normal conversation and she even hugs me/initiates contact herself. The next time she is cold and avoids me.
She constantly comes back home to take a thing or two, but never takes all of her stuff. Also, whenever we discussed filing for divorce, she mentioned that there is no rush and we can file it in the future. I am trying to give her the full support and validate her feelings these days and not force anything. Giving her the space to travel and do her own thing. I am attending IC.
I've been reading the forum and implemented quite a lot of ideas into our relationship over the past several weeks. Especially remaining calm and maintaining self-control during our conversations. No rushed words, trying to avoid being needy or controlling. Giving her the space and mostly waiting for her to contact me. However, most of the comments on these forums are for couples that have been in marriage for years or are at a later stage in life. Not sure if I should apply everything given our short-term in marriage and age.
Any tips from the veterans on what would be the best steps in this situation? Should I pay much attention to little details (i.e. if she wants to hug or avoids hugging, her removing wedding ring) or it is better not to focus on those?
Thank you. Any advice would be heavily appreciated!
