Marching in limbo with MLC H (2)

[BL42]

marching,

Received the bank transfer. H sent way more than I requested and than he agreed to.

I'd accept the money and keep your head down. It can only help you to have it in your account. At worse you split it anyway in the end; at best it's a bonus if you agree to just keep your own accounts as is.

I think I'm a bit paranoid now because I've looked into D so much more...I don't want this to turn adversarial.

My L advised the better deals come up front as they feel guilty whereas the longer it's drawn out the more the guilt turns to resentment and the more adversarial it becomes. With no kinds, living apart for years in different countries, your age...etc., my recommendation is IF he offers you a more beneficial deal than the law would typically offer, you should snatch it up quickly. You can always R after the fact if needed, but lock in your business deal if possible.

I have been GALing like crazy. It's been fun.

Keep it up!

Also every time I give my (brief) explanation of my return, I think about the gory details I'm leaving out, and it reminds me anew of just what a POS my H is right now.

It's tempting to dwell on the past and be bitter and vent to friends, but better for you to focus on the present and enjoy life. You'll be happier and more attractive.

Maybe it's not a good idea to ask this friend for information, but I don't see what other options I have.

You could drop it altogether and move on with making your life incredible. Yes, easier said than done...I know. But it truly is a better path for YOU.

Not sure asking H directly is a good idea.

Definitely don't do this. Even if he tells you the truth, which is fairly unlikely, you'll never be able to trust it.

I don't know how to snoop.

You could hire a PI. Question is...would it serve you?

And I certainly don't want to reach out to OW1.

Good. Bad idea.

I suspect that this OW2 is a new person at H's office. If so, he's playing a dangerous game. It could be ruinous professionally.

Yep, it could. Not your monkey, not your circus. Also, not for nothing, but it seems like people and employers care far less about this stuff than you'd think they should (as the LBS).

So I can only imagine how intensely H is raising eyebrows with his behavior right now.

Lots of speculation on H's behaviors and interactions with others. How about focusing on yourself?

This is also somewhat professionally embarrassing for me because there is overlap in our career networks.

I understand how it can feel embarrassing. The uncertainty of what people "know" or think about you. But really, you're not the bad actor here, so hold your head up high, take the high road, and move on with your career and your life. I strongly suspect you'll do great in life regardless of him.

God, it's going to be so, so painful for him if he ever wakes up from this fog. Much, much worse than he already feels now.

Maybe. Maybe not. The truth is some people simply don't care about the damage and hurt they've caused. Or, can't even understand that they've caused it. Key for you is to worry about yourself, and not what he may or may not come to realize down the road...even if it feels good to speculate about his pain.

I recently visited a friend who just moved in with her partner. Their place is very nicely appointed. I felt such a mix of emotions. I was happy for them, but also a bit jealous and sad.

I can relate to feeling sad seeing other couples and situations. This too shall pass.

I guess I'll just have to find a natural way of saying that I won't be interested in dating for a long while.

Good plan.

marching - you're young with a great career that takes you places. You're going to be fine. Just make sure to put the focus on yourself and away from H.