You did not answer my question: do you want to save this marriage or not? No need to answer that here, but I think it would be a good exercise for you to think about it.
Zero sum, binary situation: yes, I would like to save it. Taking into account context: I am not sure. How much should one put up with and for how long?
ahhh, the million dollar question!!! I think that's different for everyone
Originally Posted by bttrfly
What about yourself are you avoiding by putting so much focus on your wife and her actions, and why are you avoiding it?
I apologize for the gaslighting remark. I read the above comment as more or less insinuating, "are you avoiding your role in your wife having an affair?" [/quote]
Thank you for the apology. Not at all how I meant it.
I think when people talk about goals on this site, I personally almost always think about them through a relationship prism. For instance, if someone said "it's always been a goal of mine to learn to juggle," I would say it doesn't matter if one is single or married while balancing three simultaneous affairs - nothing in those circumstances would prevent them from learning to juggle. So bttrfly, when you ask me if snooping helped with my goal, I'm inclined to respond to that in a relationship sense. It helped crystallize my situation some - my goal of having a relationship with trust and companionship might not be possible with this wife.
Can you remember the moment you knew with certainty? Do you want the honest answer? I hoped right up until the day it was final that my exh would walk it back, stop the divorce. He didn't. He also yelled at me on the day the divorce was final, saying he never wanted this. When I pointed out that I'd made it crystal clear he was driving this, I wasn't standing in his way, but waiting for him to stop it he got even angrier and hung up on me. So when did I know with certainty? Long after the divorce was final.
I do appreciate your feedback and won't levy a gaslighting grip next time. [/quote] Thanks Doug. I know you were really upset with the new info on OM. I appreciate it though.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
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