You did not answer my question: do you want to save this marriage or not? No need to answer that here, but I think it would be a good exercise for you to think about it.
Zero sum, binary situation: yes, I would like to save it. Taking into account context: I am not sure. How much should one put up with and for how long?
Originally Posted by bttrfly
What about yourself are you avoiding by putting so much focus on your wife and her actions, and why are you avoiding it?
I apologize for the gaslighting remark. I read the above comment as more or less insinuating, "are you avoiding your role in your wife having an affair?"
I think when people talk about goals on this site, I personally almost always think about them through a relationship prism. For instance, if someone said "it's always been a goal of mine to learn to juggle," I would say it doesn't matter if one is single or married while balancing three simultaneous affairs - nothing in those circumstances would prevent them from learning to juggle. So bttrfly, when you ask me if snooping helped with my goal, I'm inclined to respond to that in a relationship sense. It helped crystallize my situation some - my goal of having a relationship with trust and companionship might not be possible with this wife.
There are a lot of balls in that hopper - time and space; feelings are fleeting and can change; LH's assurance that it's ok to swallow your pride for the kids, etc. I see in your signature that you did get divorced. Can you remember the moment you knew with certainty?
I do appreciate your feedback and won't levy a gaslighting gripe next time.
