Stuck in limbo IV

[BL42]

Doug54,

So, I think I may have figured out who the OM is. It’s not someone I know directly.

Do you know OM's circumstances? (How old is he? is he married? In town or far away? ...etc.). Although I agree with others you should do your best not to dwell on him (though in my experience that's easier said than done) and to instead focus on yourself, some of those answers might inform your actions.

Does this change anything?

Probably not. It's was always very likely there was a affair...in any of these situations.

Should I tell W that I know, or drop the name to see her reaction?

Usually folks here advise not to reveal what or how much you know. First, your gut is almost always right so if you think it's a particular guy it likely is. Second, you can confirm it 100% if you really want to without floating it for her reaction. Third, she'll like fake a reaction and lie to you anyway. Fourth, you'll reveal your cards and she'll be extra careful hiding it.

I am leaning towards divorce but am stuck in the house with W for the time being.

Don't react emotionally. Process your feelings before making any decisions - and I'm sure you have some.

I forgot to add that she flipped out a little about thinking I may have a tracker on her car or had hired a PI the last time we argued, over her website visit.

Did you?

I was like, “is that something an innocent person says?”

No, it's not. She's projecting her guilty feelings onto you.

I think it’s fairly clear this bs with the guy has been going on in some form for quite a while. The meetup frequency can’t be often at all, but still.

Like LH & R2C said...don't be so sure. It's incredible the stories of how the WS met up with AP.

I like you bttrfly, but this feels like gaslighting.

Doug - bttrfly is asking you a whole bunch of really important questions. She's not gaslighting you. You're likely worked up about OM's identity. Trust me, I've been there. That's completely understandable. But once you step back you should do some self-reflection on bttrfly's questions.