Stuck in limbo IV

[bttrfly]

Doug,
I'm going to ask you a few questions. You don't need to answer them here, but at least please think about them.

1. Which one of you is racing towards Divorce court faster? It's been 2.5 years, and she's still there, in your home, with you. So, do you want to try to save this marriage or not?

It's been 1.5 years at most and she's more or less financially stuck here.

You did not answer my question: do you want to save this marriage or not? No need to answer that here, but I think it would be a good exercise for you to think about it.

2. What have you gained from all your sleuthing?

A dose of reality, perhaps.

Reality in what sense? Has it improved your life, your marriage, your outlook? Does it bring you closer to your goal?

3. What about yourself are you avoiding by putting so much focus on your wife and her actions, and why are you avoiding it?

I like you bttrfly, but this feels like gaslighting.

Thank you Doug, I like you too and I hope that asking you these questions helps you get some clarity in your sitch. I've honestly never been accused of gaslighting before, so forgive me that's new for me to wrap my mind around.

Maybe I need to phrase it differently: You're putting a lot of energy and focus on your wife and what she is/isn't/may be/may not be doing. You could be putting that energy and focus on yourself, what you want in your life, how you want to live your life, what's truly important to you as an individual and as a partner or from a partner. You seem to be putting the focus on her. Why? Does that get you closer to your goal? Do you have a clear idea of what your goal is?

You really need to know what your goal is.

I hope that I've articulated this more clearly so there's no confusion about gaslighting.