Stage of life is more important than age for you at this point. This guy may be a match based on that. Attraction can grow as you get to know a person.
On the other hand - an age gap that doesn’t look so big now could be a big thing later on. I think about my ex and his 19 years younger second wife. When he’s 80 she’ll only be 61.
I’m 66, healthy, active, learning new things. It would be a very rare 81year old that could keep up with me.
On the other hand, nothing in life is guaranteed. CMM was a few years younger than me but still died on me. If you could have ten great years with a guy like your date, that could be worth it.
Next Saturday my friend and I are going out for a doctor friends birthday. He insists on paying, even for his own birthday. And is getting us ( my friend and I ) a hotel room so we don’t have to drive. That will be my big night out .
Is he single?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
The only one I never deleted was facebook dating ( don’t even know how to delete it) but I never used it because of wacky far away matches.
Yeah, why does it do that? I got on this one briefly awhile back and set my distance preference close but it would keep popping up with profiles in distant states too. So annoying.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
He has custody of his 14 and 15 year old sons. His ex wife over back to FL a few years ago.
How could she move so far away from her non-adult children? That's mindboggling to me.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
he never once had to say “my kids are my priority”
That has to be your #1 red flag lol
Originally Posted by Ginger1
He said women in his age range usually run when he says his kids ages.
Interesting. Because they're teens? I would think closer to HS graduation and out of the house might be a plus for some women vs super young kids?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
There were no “sparks” but definitely a level of attraction for me.
Originally Posted by kml
Attraction can grow as you get to know a person.
I agree with kml - don't worry about the immediate "spark"...see if attraction grows over time.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
he asked for a second date on the first date.
Is that attractive to you / a plus? I've seen materials that say women are more attracted to ambiguous interest.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
He asked in the parking lot if he could hug me and I said yes. I think he was testing the waters and was being respectful and said “ I would ask for a kiss, but I don’t want to make it awkward”
Seems like asking for a hug and then saying he didn't ask for a kiss because he didn't want to be awkward would actually make it more awkward. Did you appreciate the ask?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
we didn’t kiss, but I hope if the second date goes well, he goes for it.
Just curious...would you have preferred he go in for the kiss on the first date?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
If anything, this date lessened my fear of dating. I actually got scared. Scared of the nutso people. It was nice to know even if this doesn’t get past date 2, there are men left who aren’t pervs, aren’t looking to get right into my bed, and aren’t in the im FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Mentality.
There are plenty of respectful, normal, no-nutso guys out there.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I guess I have to go up in my age range.
...said the majority of females at any age! lol
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I think what is most important for me is being in a similar phase in life. Same aged kids, Time since divorce, etc. and I got started young and he got started older, so despite our age gap, we are in similar places. I’m not concerned about the age difference health wise . He is very fit and active. There are men his junior who look like there is a heart attack around the corner. The best we can do is try to keep ourselves healthy. My dad is 73 and in excellent shape. His wife is going to be 56. They bike , vacation, see concerts, go to the gym, etc. I have seen 60 something year old men that are ill.
BL- my doctor friend is married. So is my other friend. We are all just friends and he thinks we are tons of fun to hang out with ( which we are). He’s in one of those sexless marriages focused around his kids and him and his wife are ships passing in the night. So I guess he likes to have a good time sometimes.
As for new guy, when he dates women his age, their kids are OUT of the house and 14 and 15 year olds are not and they want a guy with no kids living at home. 14 and 15 is golden for me! I usually meet men with younger kids .
Did I like he asked me out again on the first date? Yes, I did. Ambiguity isn’t a turn on for me. It was a very natural “ I had a really great time and I would like to see you again” . That doesn’t turn off a woman if they are actually interested in seeing the guy again. I think if the woman wasn’t that into the guy, maybe the ambiguity would pique their interest a little. Other than, I appreciate the directness . It wasn’t pushy or desperate or clingy, it was sincere and natural. Actually, what I really liked about this guy was that he seemed very genuine. Not gamey at all. Just natural. Was he awkward at times? Yes, but I found it cute.
The kiss. Well, he walked me to my car, it was cold and I guess not the best setting for a kiss. I would have welcomed it, but it probably would have been awkward. The announcement was woerd but he was nervous I think.
Yeah, it’s crazy that his ex moved away from the kids. They met in FL and lived in FL and moved back up here and she decided to go back after the divorce. He said his older son is fine with it but it makes his younger son kind of sad. I totally stalked his facebook and you can see how close his kids are to him.
Yeah, that announcement of my kids are my priority is a sticking point for me !! Because not one man who has ever actually said it, has ever actually lived it. The ones who are quiet, do their dad thing, are the ones who really actually live it. And that to me, is very very attractive .
my doctor friend is married. So is my other friend. We are all just friends and he thinks we are tons of fun to hang out with ( which we are). He’s in one of those sexless marriages focused around his kids and him and his wife are ships passing in the night. So I guess he likes to have a good time sometimes.
SERIOUSLY??? G, how can you be on this board and not see through this? "He's in a sexless marriage so he pays for female "friends" to get a hotel room and party with him?" Does this sound right to you? How many cheating spouses have lied and claimed to be in sexless marriages? At the VERY least, this guy is hoping some kind of sex or romance might develop out of this. If it's 100% legit, then ask his wife if she's cool with it. I'd guess she'd say NO.
my doctor friend is married. So is my other friend. We are all just friends and he thinks we are tons of fun to hang out with ( which we are). He’s in one of those sexless marriages focused around his kids and him and his wife are ships passing in the night. So I guess he likes to have a good time sometimes.
SERIOUSLY??? G, how can you be on this board and not see through this? "He's in a sexless marriage so he pays for female "friends" to get a hotel room and party with him?" Does this sound right to you? How many cheating spouses have lied and claimed to be in sexless marriages? At the VERY least, this guy is hoping some kind of sex or romance might develop out of this. If it's 100% legit, then ask his wife if she's cool with it. I'd guess she'd say NO.
RED FLAGS all over this BS.
We have been hanging out, the three of us, used to be four of us for 12 years now. Legit, we are friends. I never met his wife. But my married girlfriend who is coming, her husband knows exactly what we are doing and whom we are going with. None of us have ever slept with him in 12 years.
…… and we all ended up in Las Vegas together in 2012 ( him, on a conference, me and my girlfriends for fun) …. We all had dinner together and met his colleagues. No hanky panky!
As for some self realization. I realize why I chose unavailable men. They are safe. I already know how it’s going to end as in, it’s definitely going to end. Knowing the end is SAFE to me. The two times I was not in that situation ( my marriage and M ) I was blindsided . I didn’t see an end and when it came, it broke my soul a bit. So I date people where I know there is no other way than it ending. No surprises and I’m prepared.
So for this year, I decided not be afraid anymore. Not be afraid of something that could actually be good and lasting. And not be afraid of it ending. I haven’t opened myself up to it since M. I legit thought we were going to build a life together. While I always handle a breakup with dignity and grace and simply move on , a scar is usually left behind that goes pretty deep. I decided it’s time to heal that.
And I’m actually looking forward to it. It’s my bravery for the year
I have also decided to take a social media break. I was mindlessly scrolling, almost addicted to SM. I’m also sick of vouyering into others lives. I’m breaking during the week. I used to love to read, but I feel like I cannot even focus on a book anymore. I swear, I never exhibited any signs of ADD, but since the phone, I feel like I have it. I also cannot sit still and just be. So I’m working on that. I want my focus back and my mind to slowwwwww the F down.
