A good way to think about it is to realise that you only get, on average, 80 laps around the sun.
The last 10-15 usually aren’t that great, managing health problems.
The first 15-20 you’re learning and deciding on a career. So you really only get about 45-50 years where you can have a great, unrestricted life. And there’s a 50% chance you’ll get less than 80 years.
Every day is a gift. Stop sitting around, worrying about what might be, and trying to cajole someone into loving you again. This person, who is destroying your marriage, are you going to let them ruin the best years of your life? Will you sit around, worrying about it, trying desperately to fix it back to what it was, knowing that it obviously wasn’t that great anyway?
When you’re 80 years old, and the light is getting very dim, will you look back on the years you stopped your life trying to get this person back? Will you regret not going out and living your best life every single day when suddenly you have very few remaining?
LH is right. Your ticket to happiness is to live every minute to the full. Become the best you can possibly be. Fix what you identify YOU did wrong in the relationship. What your partner did wrong - who gives a sh*t? That’s their problem, not yours - and you can’t fix it, the only way that will ever change is if THEY decide to change themselves. Find what makes you tick. Go and do things you enjoy. Find hobbies, get fit, eat fine food, connect with and love your kids like you’ve never done before.
If your partner decides they want in, then maybe you will reconcile. But if you waste your life trying to get them back and it doesn’t work out, I guarantee you’ll look back on that time in later life as a waste of an amazing opportunity.
I came here three years ago, shocked, horrified, broken and lost. They day I let it all go and decided to ignore her dumpster fire and live my best life - that’s when I found true happiness.
