DnJ, I feel stronger every time I read (and reread!) your advice. Yes, I will use OW from now on. I think you hit the nail on the head—using "OP" is a grief response. Better to face the reality head on.
By "assuming the worst," I mean the following: that OW1 is not actually the first affair partner, that things with her were way less innocent than a "crush," that the nude picture he sent to me was meant for someone else, and that things with OW1 started way earlier than he implied. I am going to schedule an STD test.
I won't ask for more information. It's enough to know about the infidelity. Why torture myself with who's and when's and where's and why's. I'm with you BL42, H will not be honest. In his current state, H is unstable and untrustworthy.
And yep, it's really funny to me how feelings can change. I'm aware that I went from wanting to slow things down to speeding them up. The situation feels so different now. But is it really? I had my suspicions confirmed. In some ways, nothing has really changed.
Even if I were to start proceedings, it will take at very least several months to complete them. It will be a grueling process. Not something to begin while I am in shock. I have nothing to lose by giving myself at least a few weeks to recover. What is a few weeks in the span of a months-long D process.
Lizard Brain Marching really does NOT like the idea of H using marital assets for his affairs. Our money, our car. Lizard Brain Marching wants to take that all away from him.
Slighty Calmer Marching has, I think, legitimate concerns about H's spending. I don't have access to any of that information, but now that I know how crazy he is right now...I want to protect myself financially.
I'm going to talk all this through in IC and keep consulting the lawyer.
