Yikes separate nights out on New Years Eve. Nothing like being in a club at middle age lol but I applaud you for trying.
So I want to make it clear that I don’t think it’s ok if/that your W is screwing around. The goal is to get to a place that it’s unacceptable to you. My point is that until you are there you don’t focus on it you put the focus on your kids.
IMO if you keep status quo she’s probably going to bide her time while she’s planning her exit strategy doing the bare minimum. This may take years.
As for the separate accounts I’m not sure that matters.
What is the issue between W and parents?
Thanks for your thoughts, LH. What do you mean by getting to a place where the screwing around is unacceptable? It's not ok as it is, other than I don't know the depth or what distinct moves to make short of moving out myself.
The other thing is, I don't know if I could fully arrest whatever is going on other than perhaps driving it further underground. The sum of all the parts pretty clearly points to MLC, in my opinion...the focus on herself, slipping a little as a mom and homemaker, lamenting lack of career success, wanting to slow the progression of age, reading self-help books, etc. I don't think there's any allegiance to an AP in particular, though there's something playing out, EA or whatnot.
I know the textbook response - focus on myself and the kids. I just feel like I've slipped some and want to see some forward motion or moves to make. I doubt there are really any - this has to play out, right? I've actually read quite a few books recently -
How to Be a 3% Man No More Mr Nice Guy The Rational Male The Solo Partner Your Marriage Can Survive Midlife Crisis (Jim & Sally Conway)
All were informative to some degree - some better than others.
What would you suggest I do to not keep the "status quo"?
