Rob and Allen were pretty hard line guys. Their advice was pretty good for a particular situation...I think the issue from them that eventually got them both banned from here was the "browbeating" other posters into their way of thinking, too quickly.
Interesting. No idea they were banned - just figured they fell off over time. And yet they actually saved their marriages? Seems like it'd be good to have their advice around here.
Nah...
They went out kicking and screaming....lol
I've heard from mutual people that Rob saved his marriage for a time, then it ended by what I do believe was his decision. I could be wrong on that though. I didn't know him personally. Just what I had heard.
Allen, I'm not sure about. Although he did merge off and create a forum promoting anti DB methods (in a roundabout way). Which had a few followers for a very short amount of time.
There was a purge here around 2010 that wiped out a lot of people that were promoting anti DB philosophy, and the brow-beatings by them were horrid. I know it's just the internet, yet it was ugly. There was a lot of promotion of dating while separated, mass exposure, etc. And if one didn't follow the advice of the brow beater, then they were terrible humans, and a worthless waste of time. If one would have even the smallest of disagreement, then there would be a gaggle of people chiming in on how terrible, weak, and pathetic the person was for not following their advice..
Some of their advice was pretty good, mostly about getting into the mindset and GAL off the charts.
I think a lot of what eventually happened was, that with the hard out of the gate, kick 'em to the curb version of DBing, the WAS had no other options but to re-commit to the marriage out of shame and financial restraints, yet it was a façade, and wasn't real. A lot of them returned only to reboot and plan another escape. Sex starved marriages for the LBS and other related issues.
I remember reading them and thinking....I would rather my spouse chose to come back , rather than I was the 'no other option' plan....if that makes sense.
I respected their efforts, it just wasn't a way that would work for "me"....
It felt like 'cookie cutter' advice with an effortless Alpha answer to every question. It could work for some, yet not for all.
One poster that is on the Mt Rushmore of DBing for me was Chocolateeyes/PuppyDogTails/Starsky.
He did a hard line of DBing right out of the gate. He did reconcile, and they are doing very well. However, there were a lot of hard years of rebuilding from her affair. SSM had always been an issue for them and it became an even bigger issue after that for a long time. A lot of anger and resentment about the betrayal of trust, etc..
I do know him personally, and he is living what he posted here, everyday with his wife....
Spend some time in the archives and find him, or Coach.
Originally Posted by BL
Originally Posted by Mach1
I don't see you there just yet.
I agree. Can't compare MikeP directly to Rob and Allen, because I wasn't around to read the details of their sitches, but Mike's W is back and at least saying she wants to R. Even if OM is at work - which is a real threat - it's different (better?) than most here.
There is a huge difference between a walk away and a fence sitter(MLC). I think the confusion is what separates the two.
I agree that his situation is different...
Not better or worse, just different....
And with any situation, advice should be as unique and different as the person going through it.
