What to do 4

[DnJ]

Good Morning Mike

“But”. Your mind is listening. And invalidating your efforts towards the very thing you are trying to overcome. Just like you are asking it to. Use “and”.

Also, “but” keeps us in the realm of trying, instead of doing and accomplishing.

I feel it coming and just don't stop the anger. I know I'm wrong, but and I keep letting her work situation get to me.

Another item for your consideration:

I know I’m wrong

Nope.

Your emotions and feelings are more unwanted. They are not wrong or bad, so give yourself permission to feel them. They are valid, and just are. How one behaves due to their feelings - their reactions, responses, and words spoken are what’s accountable.

Of course you’re angry. It’s not wrong. It’s part of grief and certainly a normal healthy response due to an OM being present. Work through your emotions. Get to the other side of them. “And” let go her work situation.

Those are two different avenues which currently are still entangled by you. Uncouple them, and put your efforts into what you can control. Your thoughts, actions, and reactions.

Sweat out the anger. It’s not about stopping it. At times you do need to delay it. Then process it in a healthy manner, like going for a run, or a punching bag, or some other physical activity. Folks usually require some muscle group effort to release pent up feelings. Talking only goes so far. Best to get in front of that need and even schedule some activity before things become overwhelming and boil over.

Second, let go that which you cannot control. You cannot directly control her work situation. You can control you. Through thoughts and the above activity, you can influence your emotional tie regarding OM. It’s about creating new pathways and severing (letting them extinguish by not reinforcing) the triggering ones. Detaching.

Through your efforts, you influence yourself and those unwanted emotions and triggers alter and/or expire.

D