I've come to the conclusion that I need some anger management help. The day of my last post we had a pretty big blow up. I needed her to sign a paper for my upcoming retirement. Needed it done asap so I could scan and upload it. She didn't want me to come to her work. Was afraid I would see OM and it would be awkward. I didn't handle it well. We argued on the phone and at home later that day. Eventually I apologized. Anything concerning om sets me off. I feel it coming and just don't stop the anger. I know I'm wrong, but I keep letting her work situation get to me. Something I read yesterday from either RobX or Allen? hit home. I felt/feel like such a fool that this has happened, and I don't want to feel like a fool again. Not an excuse, it just sums up how I feel. It's like I don't want them to think they are pulling the wool over my eyes again. I know that can be changed by better DBing-detachment, I'm just not there yet. I'm not one to make New Years resolutions but I think I am this year. #1 is to get back on track with my eating habits. #2 is to focused on DBing. I've been doing a half assed job and I know it. It's so difficult having her around all the time and acting like things are good. I know deep down things are not perfect, but others have it way worse. It is confusing and makes it hard to stay the course. Talk is cheap, got to buckle down. I have been doing a good job of giving her space and doing my own thing.
1/1 starts a new chapter in my life. I've laid out a pretty good plan for how I want things to be. I will get up every morning and take d13 to school, go to the gym or run when I get home, eat and then work on my house. Lots of painting, carpet replacement and several doors need replacing. Hoping to get back into the work force in either Feb. or March. All while working on my DBing. Tomorrow is my last day at work, actually half day, and then I'm retired. 1/1 I'm officially retired and it's my 51st birthday. 1/2 I get to work. I have recently started thinking a lot about what my life looks like if we don't reconcile. It makes me sad, but it doesn't scare me near as much as it used to. I have accepted that I won't die, and life will go on. Not trying to minimize the effect it would have on me, just think I'm accepting the possibility.
